In Theaters: May 26, 2017

There are TWO wide releases this weekend.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

It's been six years since we last had a Pirates of the Caribbean movie.  Is that too long?

In this film, the villain (Javier Bardem) is after Jack Sparrow in particular.  Did that also happen in the fourth film?  I don't know, I missed that one.  I guess when Jack was younger this pirate hunter was out to get him and Jack led him in to some kind of trap.  This resulted in the bad guy becoming very creepy, as seen in the poster.

Honestly, I have several friends that I know are very excited about this movie, but I don't get it.  I kinda think the Jack Sparrow character is spent!  I am glad, though, that there are those who disagree.  I almost always prefer when a movie does well.

There is something else I must mention.  The bad guy's hair in this movie floats like it's underwater, even when he isn't underwater.  It's kind of a neat idea, but it also continues a longstanding trend for Javier Bardem to have the most insane hairstyles in his movies.

in "No Country for Old Men"

in "Skyfall"

in "The Counselor"

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is rated PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence, and some suggestive content.

Baywatch (Thursday release)

For those of you who missed the 90's, Baywatch was a television show that ran for eleven seasons from 1989 to 2001 (the last two as Baywatch Hawaii).  At its peak it was one of the most watched television shows of all time, and it was aired in something like 148 countries over every continent except Antarctica.  But I would be very surprised if a Pamela Anderson poster didn't make its way down there.  The show also spawned a couple spin-offs and three direct to video movies.  For you younger readers, television was different back then, but in terms of popularity, think Game of Thrones.

Anyway here we are sixteen years later.  And as Hollywood is scouring its old properties for adaptation opportunities, Baywatch's time has come.

Dwayne Johnson plays David Hasselhoff's old character, Mitch Buchannon.  Newcomer Kelly Rohrbach plays Pamela Anderson's old character, C.J. Parker.  And Zac Efron plays a character that only appeared in a few seasons of the show, Matt Brody.

The premise is simple.  They're lifeguards.

Baywatch is rated R for language throughout, crude sexual content, and graphic nudity.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 19, 2017

There are THREE wide releases this weekend.

Alien: Covenant

Run.

Alien: Covenant is the first Alien film since 1997.  Unless you count 2004's Alien vs Predator, 2007's Aliens vs Predator: Requiem, or 2012's Prometheus - which, some people don't.  And it's Ridley Scott's first Alien film since the original WAY back in 1979 (again - unless you count Prometheus)!  Did you get all that?  Doesn't matter.

The main take away here is that the Alien franchise is a mess.  A mess that, for some fans, is even scarier than the titular xenomorph.  Pretty much everyone agrees that the first two (1979's Alien and 1986's Aliens) were good.  The third one (1991's Alien³) is more divisive than last year's U.S. presidential election.  And the fourth one (1997's Alien: Resurrection) is UNIVERSALLY hated - even by non-fans.  And then there's the two AvP films mentioned above.  The first one is largely ignored and the second . . . well . . . everybody wishes it didn't happen.  Also, neither AvP film is considered canon.  And then in 2012, Ridley Scott - the man who started this whole mess (and launched his own career) by directing the original - came back and said, "You know what?  My next film ISN'T an Alien movie!"  And then he winked at and nudged everyone who would pay attention until SURPRISE!  Prometheus IS an Alien movie . . . sort of.  There aren't really any xenomorphs until the very very end, and when it does show up it doesn't do anything at all, but it's a PREQUEL!  And that is supposed to have you excited.

In summary, Alien: Covenant takes place before the ones everyone loves, after the one that didn't surprise anyone, and WAY after the ones that didn't really happen.  I don't think I can make myself any clearer.

Alien: Covenant is rated R for sci-fi violence, bloody images, language and some sexuality/nudity.

Quick note: expect LOTS of blood in this movie.  Producer Mark Huffman said in an interview: "Our blood comes in 40-gallon drums, rather than 5-gallon containers."

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

I don't get it.  Really, I watched the trailer and I don't know what this movie is trying to do, or trying to say, or who they are trying to get into the theater.  I don't even know what it's about!

It's people on a road trip.  I got that much.  I'm not even sure if it's a family, but it looks like it might be.

Just skip this one to be safe.  Mmhmm.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul is rated PG for some rude humor.

Everything, Everything

I'm really pretty sick of this type of movie so I'm just gonna break it down for you really quick.

Young adult romance novel adaptation.  Girl is allergic to everything and she can't go outside.  Neighbor boy wonders what the heck is up.  They meet and fall in love.

Everything, Everything is rated PG-13 for thematic elements and brief sensuality.

Honestly, just go see Fate of the Furious again.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 12, 2017

There are TWO wide releases this weekend.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

I fear this will do nothing but hurt the careers of Charlie Hunnam and Guy Ritchie.

Guy Ritchie is already coming off the box office stumble that is The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and Charlie Hunnam isn't doing a whole lot better.  He's a good actor and he's surviving just fine, but his highest profile role is definitely still as the lead on Sons of Anarchy.  That's a TV show.  And as much as the lines have been blurred between film and television in the last fifteen years, it's still something of a graduation when you headline a movie after headlining a show.  And even though he's done that more than once, he's still not A-list.  He's not a household name and I'm afraid this isn't gonna do it for him.

I hope this movie does well, but the only person I know who's seen it really didn't like it.  That said, he really did like La La Land, so our taste doesn't always line up.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, some suggestive content and brief strong language.

But hey, Jude Law plays the villain!  And who doesn't like Jude Law?

Snatched

A little ironic that Guy Ritchie's opening weekend competition is a film called Snatched.  It's almost like somebody is trying to tell us something . . . 

ANYWAY, Snatched is a comedy about a woman who convinces her mother to go with her on a South American vacation, and they are kidnapped while in South America by . . . bad guys.  It stars Amy Schumer, so I didn't even want to watch the trailer, but I did.  I made that sacrifice for my readers.

Snatched is rated R for crude sexual content, brief nudity, and language throughout.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 5, 2017

There is only ONE wide release this weekend.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

In 2014, Marvel Studios took three directors out of relative obscurity and defied convention with the releases of Captain America: The Winter Soldier (directed by Joe and Anthony Russo) and Guardians of the Galaxy (written and directed by James Gunn).  Both of those movies have since been in the conversation of best Marvel movie ever, and other studios have since tried to replicate the apparently deft director-spotting skills of Marvel Studios president, Kevin Feige - to thoroughly mixed results (the directors for 2015's Fantastic Four and this year's Kong: Skull Island were both pulled directly from independent to blockbuster a la James Gunn).

What I'm getting at here is that 2014 was a big year for Marvel Studios, in no small part because of James Gunn and his first Guardians of the Galaxy film.

Now the second one is here and it is not going to disappoint fans.

I actually had the chance to see this movie on Tuesday night at the IMAX and in 3D.  The 3D gave me a headache, but it was worth it.  They're still colorful, they're still funny (this movie had SEVERAL laugh out loud moments - one cameo was so good I had to clap), and they still deliver on the action.  And with Kurt Russell AND Sylvester Stallone in the cast, they are most definitely still bleeding retro cool, a particular talent of James Gunn it seems.

One other thing worth mentioning.  It has been announced officially that James Gunn will write and direct a third Guardians of the Galaxy film, probably due for release sometime around 2020 or 2021.  This will make him the first to direct a full trilogy for Marvel Studios!  That's not mentioning the fact that he also will have written all three.  The Iron man trilogy had two directors, the Captain America trilogy had two sets of directors, and the soon-to-be-completed Thor trilogy has had three directors.  And if you count the Avengers films as a trilogy - by the time the third one comes out that's two sets of directors as well.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action and violence, language, and brief suggestive content.  And I can personally recommend it.  I'll be seeing it again on Saturday.

      Big Shot Critic