In Theaters: July 28, 2017

There are TWO wide releases this weekend.

Atomic Blonde

Evidently the sole cover for a female spy that is of any use whatsoever is that of a hooker, if Atomic Blonde is to be believed.

Atomic Blonde is not to be believed.  Or watched, in my opinion.  What this movie does right (original female character for a female lead) is so hopelessly overshadowed by what it does wrong.  Let me talk a little bit about that.

There have been three successful spy movie franchises: James Bond, Mission: Impossible, and the Bourne series.  I think all three succeed because James Bond, Ethan Hunt, and Jason Bourne - as characters - are so overwhelmingly devoted to doing what's right.  They will stop at nothing to save others, or prevent disaster.  The introduction to this Atomic Blonde character in the first trailer is her killing three men to save herself, and the remainder of her motivations seem to be rounded out by revenge, looking awesome, and hooking up.

Bottom line, I think this character will fail to launch a franchise because she has no apparent noble qualities.

Atomic Blonde is rated R for sequences of strong violence, language throughout, and some sexuality/nudity.

The Emoji Movie

No need to adjust your screen, America.  You saw that right, and you read that right.

You have no one to blame but yourself.  I certainly didn't go to see Minions or Trolls in the theater.

This is painful, but I'm going to tell you the basic premise.  The "meh" emoji (top center in the poster) has more emotions and feelings to give to the world than just "meh".  So he sets out to discover himself.  The emoji pictured left center in the poster is some sort of love interest.  Emojis discovering themselves and falling in love.  Hollywood hasn't scraped this low for the basest dregs of ideas since Hot Tub Time Machine 2, which was an actual movie in case you forgot.

The Emoji movie is rated PG for rude humor.

I'm afraid the time has come and summer movie season is winding down once more.  But there is at least one more coming out this summer I'm looking forward to seeing.  Stay tuned!

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: July 21, 2017

There are THREE wide releases this weekend.

Dunkirk

From Christopher Nolan comes the movie that looks more like a documentary.

I've come to trust Christopher Nolan, as most people have.  But the trailers for this look DULL.  The trailers suggest no main character, just various characters caught up in the same historical event.  There is no emotional connection offered.  No personal story to attach yourself to.  It's just a bunch of soldiers in WWII trying to get the heck out of dodge.

But it's probably pretty good.

Dunkirk is rated PG-13 for intense war experience and some language.

Girls Trip

No poster on this blog for this movie, because we have standards here at Big Shot Critic.  Four black middle-aged women take a trip to New Orleans to party like a bunch of animals.  It looks disgusting.

Girls Trip is rated R for crude sexual content throughout, pervasive language, brief graphic nudity, and drug material.

Like I said - disgusting.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Okay, this one I actually got to see a test screening for back in April and it was amazing.  Genuinely amazing.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is a science fiction movie that takes place seven hundred years or so in the future.  It's more than a little reminiscent of The Fifth Element.  Also written and directed by the same man as The Fifth Element, Luc Besson (who I met briefly, and that was also awesome).

Basically Valerian and his partner are part of a peacekeeping force for the city of Alpha, known as the city of a thousand planets because of its position as a galactic cultural melting pot.  But there's something going down in the city of Alpha that smells rotten and our heroes have to get to the bottom of it.

Before I saw this test screening, I thought Justin Lin was the best action director working today.  And then the big opening action scene of this movie happened in front of me and I was speechless.  Blown away.  Luc Besson is one imaginative and masterful son of a gun.

Unless you outright hate science fiction, I strongly recommend going to check this one out.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, suggestive material and brief language.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: July 14, 2017

This week we have TWO new wide releases.

War for the Planet of the Apes

Who knew back in 2011 that the Planet of the Apes franchise would be the most respected franchise of the decade?

And that's the best way I can put it.  This franchise is well-respected.  They wait a proper three years between movies, and as a result we get proper movies.

*SPOILERS BELOW FOR THE PREVIOUS TWO APE FILMS*

For those of you just joining us, back in 2011, Rise of the Planet of the Apes hit theaters.  Nobody went crazy over it, but everyone liked it a lot.  It was about a doctor trying to cure alzheimer's disease.  He tests the drugs he develops on chimpanzees.  Through a complicated series of events, the final version of the drug significantly raises the IQ of other primates, but is fatal to humans.  Not only fatal, but highly contagious.

Fast forward now to 2014.  Dawn of the Planet of the Apes hits theaters.  Again, not a particularly anticipated film, but everyone who saw it really liked it.  Dawn takes place eight years after the events of the first film.  The apes have formed their own community, living separately from all the humans.  Oh, and the disease caused by the drug is known as the simian flu.  It completely ravaged human civilization.  Early in this film a community of humans comes into contact with the apes.  A tense coexistence forms, that is, of course, obliterated by the end of the film, when a full-scale conflict breaks out between the apes and humans.  This is all caused by malcontents on both sides.

And that brings us to War for the Planet of the Apes.  The common thread through all of these films is Caesar.  He's the chimpanzee in the poster.  In the first film, an early version of the drug was tested on Caesar's mother.  It didn't work on her, but the desired effect was passed to Caesar.  He became the scientist's pet as he developed the drug further through the film.  Thus, the intelligence in the apes is hereditary, and Caesar is special because he's the first intelligent ape.  He becomes the leader of the apes.

So with this trilogy finally coming to a close, we will see how our world became the Planet of the Apes seen in the 1968 classic.

War for the Planet of the Apes is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi violence and action, thematic elements, and some disturbing images.

Wish Upon

Do I have to watch the trailer for another horror movie?  Do I have to?

I watched it.  And I need a raise.

Honestly, it's the same thing.  Nothing new.  High school kids, something scary, some blood, creepy music.  This time it's some weird artifact that a girl gets a hold of and the instructions are to make seven wishes.  And her wishes come true.  In horrible ways, I guess.  It wasn't clear on that, it just showed her wishes coming true, and then some creepy stuff.  Whatever.  No one cares.

Wish Upon is rated PG-13 for violent and disturbing images, thematic elements and language.

Even if you don't like monkeys, just skip this one.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: July 7, 2017

There is only ONE wide release this weekend.  None dare to defy . . .

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Spider-Man has been and always shall be my ffffavorite superhero.  Get it?  It's a joke though, because I like Star Trek too.  Or should I say Star Trek II . . . JOKE OVERLOAD.

I just typed out a brief history of Spider-Man movies, but it got to be really long and kinda boring so I changed my mind.  Seriously, it was like ten paragraphs that I deleted.  You're welcome!  Most fans agree there has been at least one good Spider-Man movie and at least one bad Spider-Man movie.  I'll leave it at that.

Spider-Man: Homecoming looks to be on the better end of that spectrum.  And although I enjoy seeing Tony Stark in movies, I have to wonder if his presence here will make this feel less like a true solo Spider-Man film.

As for what this movie is about, the villain is the Vulture, and I know almost nothing about him so I can't say.  But the trailers focus a lot on the mentoring relationship between Tony Stark and Peter Parker.  That was a big hit in last year's Captain America: Civil War, so I see no reason to worry about this movie being entertaining.

Spider-Man: Homecoming is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence, some language and brief suggestive comments.

And by the way, I'll be seeing this tomorrow night on a date.  So if you see me at the theater don't bother me!  ;)

      Big Shot Critic