In Theaters: March 30, 2018

There are three wide releases this weekend.

Ready Player One (Wednesday Release)

Ready Player One is some kind of 80's nostalgia trip that originally took the form of a popular book.  Now it's a Spielberg movie.  But Spielberg himself had a lot to do with all of the 80's culture referenced in the book and the movie, so I don't know how I should feel about that.  But it feels wrong somehow.

As near as I can tell, Ready Player One centers around a digital world in the near future called The Oasis.  The Oasis is very immersive and extremely popular.  The old guy (who is also the world's wealthiest person) who created The Oasis dies and leaves behind a challenge for The Oasis community: if they find something then they get all his stuff, or control of The Oasis itself, or something.  Think Willy Wonka and the golden ticket, that kind of thing.  So everybody wants to find whatever the golden ticket thing is in this movie.

I just don't know.  This movie looks too heavy on the eye candy for me.

Ready Player One is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action violence, bloody images, some suggestive material, partial nudity and language.

God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness

God's Not Dead is now a Christian anthology series apparently.

The rise in quality of these Christian films has been very very slow, but I can see it happening.  They consistently look a little better each time.

This one is about a church that gets attacked and they have to come together to save it.  From closing down?  From being attacked again?  I'm not really sure.

God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness is rated PG for thematic elements including some violence and suggestive material.

Acrimony

This whole vengeful black woman typecasting thing is working really well for Taraji P. Henson right now.

Nothing new here.  Girl falls for guy.  Guy cheats on girl.  Girl gets upset.

But hey!  Tyler Perry!  Am I right?

Acrimony is rated R for language, sexual content and some violence.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 23, 2018

There are five wide releases this weekend and one limited release I will mention.  You know what that means.  Speed round!

Midnight Sun

Teen romance movies are rarely recommended on this blog, but this one looks all right.

Surprisingly, it is not based on a romance novel.  It is based on a 2006 Japanese film of the same name.

Midnight Sun is about a girl named Katie Price who suffers from xeroderma pigmentosum, a rare genetic condition that causes sunlight to be life-threatening to the sufferer.  She stays inside and sleeps during the day, and goes out and sometimes performs music with her guitar at night.  One night her street performance gains the attention of Charlie, a boy she has happened to lovingly gaze upon just about every day of her life for the last ten years as he walked home from school.  They start going out.  Will their romance last through the unique challenges they must face?  Tune in to find out!

I think it looks kind of charming.

Midnight Sun is rated PG-13 for some teen partying and sensuality.

Pacific Rim Uprising

This is what the Transformers franchise would look like if it gave up on quality.  Take a moment and think about what I just said, because I mean it.

This film's only chance is deep within the guilty pleasure zone.  And, to be fair, it has a real chance there.

Pacific Rim Uprising is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and some language.

Paul, Apostle of Christ

I suppose they have to specify "apostle of Christ" so as to distinguish from the 2011 comedy, "Paul", about an alien.

This movie is about a turbulent era of Christianity not long after Jesus was crucified.  Jim Caviezel plays Luke (yes, that Luke) who is looking for the apostle Paul (Faulkner) so he can write about his teachings and ministry in order to better preserve Christianity itself.  The Roman Empire makes life difficult for him in this effort.

Paul, Apostle of Christ is rated PG-13 for some violent content and disturbing images.

Sherlock Gnomes

If ever an entire feature film was (literally?) phoned-in, it's Sherlock Gnomes.

Don't go see it.

Sherlock Gnomes is rated PG for some rude and suggestive humor.

Seriously, I don't care if your children are screaming for you to take them to this movie - I don't even care if you promised to take them.  Don't do it.  Please don't do it.

Unsane

For some reason this Steven Soderbergh movie was shot on iPhones.  Or maybe just one iPhone.  No idea why, but it adds a bit of novelty.

Unsane is about a woman who thinks someone is stalking her, but it turns out she may be crazy.  Or is she?

Unsane is rated R for disturbing behavior, violence, language, and sex references.

Isle Of Dogs (limited release)

The Wes Anderson fanboys would be up in arms if I didn't at least mention this one.  So there.  I mentioned it.

Isle Of Dogs is rated PG-13 for thematic elements and some violent images.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 16, 2018

There are four wide releases this weekend.

7 Days in Entebbe

In 1976 an airplane from Israel was hijacked by Palestinian and German terrorists and landed in Africa to await ransom demands for the plane, passengers, and crew.  Spoiler alert: you don't mess with the Jews.

Any movie that prominently features Israelis kicking butt is worth a look in my book.

7 Days in Entebbe is rated PG-13 for violence, some thematic material, drug use, smoking and brief strong language.

I understand the movie is not sympathetic to Palestinians.  In other words, it's faithful to the source material.

I Can Only Imagine

It turns out there was a Christian rock song called I Can Only Imagine.  This is a dramatization of the story behind the song.

I don't get it either.

I Can Only Imagine is rated PG for thematic elements including some violence.

Love, Simon

Simon is gay.  This movie is about him coming out.

Normally this blog doesn't get very political, but here we are.  I'll just dive right in.

I don't care if people are gay.  In fact, I think I support coming out if you're gay.  I sympathize with the struggle at least a little.  I'm a straight white male and it still took me quite a few years to get to a point where I mostly don't care what other people think.

However, I must state clearly that I believe homosexual behavior to be wrong.

I almost want to see this movie because it looks like such a nuanced and true-to-life take on the subject matter.  But there was a shot of two men kissing in the trailer, and I can't bring myself to support that.

In any case, Love, Simon is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, sexual references, language and teen partying.

Tomb Raider

It's time to take another swing at that video game movie curse.

For those of you who don't know, video game movies are always bad.  There has never been a good one.  Well, there have been okay ones, and by that I mean watchable.  But that built-in fanbase keeps the studios trying.

The Tomb Raider video game franchise itself was rebooted just a few years ago pretty successfully, and this movie is more an adaptation of the reboot.  It looks really over the top, and the villain looks as dull as can be.

Tomb Raider is rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, and for some language.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 9, 2018

There are four wide releases this weekend.

Gringo

Gringo is a comedy about a medical marijuana company that sends one of their junior executives (David Oyelowo) to Mexico to hand deliver their cannabis pill recipe.  When he is kidnapped, it is revealed that his company had prior dealings with the cartel, and the drug lords are not happy the company is going straight.

Gringo is rated R for language throughout, violence and sexual content.

The Hurricane Heist

You can tell someone had to fight hard to keep this movie from going direct to video.  They should've lost.

The Hurricane Heist was directed by Rob Cohen, and as the promotional material loves to remind you, he directed The Fast and the Furious (2001) and XXX (2002).  It is horrifically apparent that his career has taken a very bad turn.

The Hurricane Heist is about a heist that takes place during a hurricane.  Clever title, huh?  Toby Kebbell is in it and that's the only good thing I can say about it.

The Hurricane Heist is rated PG-13 for sequences of gun violence, action, destruction, language and some suggestive material.

Strangers: Prey at Night

I can't describe how bland and uninspired this movie looks.  If you're the kind of person who still uses "your mom" as a comeback, or you wear a belt with a seatbelt buckle at the front of it, or you have the past tour dates of The Presidents of the United States of America memorized, then you might enjoy this movie.

Strangers: Prey at Night is rated R for horror violence and terror throughout, and for language.

A Wrinkle in Time

I can't believe I'm saying this, but of all the offerings this weekend I would choose this one in a heartbeat.

A Wrinkle in Time is an adaptation from the novel of the same name.  It's part science fiction and part fantasy and more than a bit loopy.  The basic gist of it is that a young girl whose father is missing sets out on some kind of quest to find him with the help of three fairy godmother types.

A Wrinkle in Time is rated PG for thematic elements and some peril.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 2, 2018

There are two wide releases this weekend.

Death Wish

I love this.  Genres don't need reinventing and stories don't need new angles.  This is the revenge thriller genre taken back to basics.

Some crooks kill his wife, so he tracks them down so he can kill them back.  No muss, no fuss, just revenge.  He hasn't been abused by the system, he's not oppressed, he's not down on his luck, there's no political angle, no racial angle, and no identity politics angle.  It's just a dude out for revenge and that's it.  Hallelujah!

It's also based on the 1974 film of the same name starring Charles Bronson...

... which was based on the 1972 novel of the same name...

... which had a sequel in 1975 called Death Sentence...

... which was adapted into an entirely different film starring Kevin Bacon in 2007...

... which was directed by James Wan, the same man who directed another movie in 2015 you may have heard of...

... which starred Dwayne Johnson, who also starred in a different movie in 2013...

... which also starred Bruce Willis, which brings us back to Death Wish.  And that's the six degrees of Kevin Bacon.

Death Wish (2018) is rated R for strong bloody violence, and language throughout.

Red Sparrow

Red Sparrow is about a Russian agent who is trained to use her sexuality to compromise targets for purposes of espionage or assassination.

It's just silly.  Jennifer Lawrence is a bit of a political loudmouth and everyone knows she's quite the feminist.  Yet here she is playing a character that would have no story were it not for her ability to get men to objectify her.  Very strange.

Red Sparrow is rated R for strong violence, torture, sexual content, language and some graphic nudity.  How empowering.

      Big Shot Critic