In Theaters: November 16, 2018

There are three releases to talk about this week.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

Fan2stic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

How many fantastic beasts do you think will actually be featured in this movie?  Is it justifiable to refer to this franchise as Fantastic Beasts?  I'm not so sure.

I have very little idea what this movie is about.  Grindelwald is the bad guy.  I think Grindelwald's evil plan is to take over the world.  Newt has to track him down.  Why?  It's very unclear.  Maybe one of his fantastic beasts is a fantastic bloodhound.

It's more Harry Potter, that's the main point that J.K. Rowling is going for here.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald is rated PG-13 for some sequences of fantasy action.

Instant Family

It's working title throughout production was "Forgettable Comedy #2378"

Mark Wahlberg and Rose Byrne play a middle-aged married couple who get interested in foster care.  They take in the girl in the middle of the poster who comes with two younger siblings.  I think the teenage girl is the one from Transformers 5.

This movie is supposed to be funny but it doesn't look funny.

Instant Family is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, sexual material, language and some drug references.

Green Book (limited)

Mahershala Ali plays a pianist who goes on tour and Viggo Mortensen plays the simple man he hires to be his driver.  The two are from different worlds and become unlikely friends.  It's based on a true story and I think it looks kind of interesting.

Green Book is rated PG-13 for thematic content, language including racial epithets, smoking, some violence and suggestive material.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: November 9, 2018

This week we have just one wide release to talk about.

Dr. Seuss' The Grinch

So I think it looks funny.

First of all, it's animated, as God intended.  Jim Carrey is talented, but he's not talented enough to play the live-action Grinch in a way that ages well eighteen years later.  Secondly, Benedict Cumberbatch voices the Grinch.  Perfect.  I think this one could emerge as a classic.

I can't really explain my faith in this movie.  I definitely don't like everything Illumination does.  Actually, I think I dislike most of what Illumination does, but there's no denying their animation style fits like a glove for a Dr. Seuss book.  It just looks so right, visually.  Maybe that's why I'm a believer.

Dr. Seuss' The Grinch is rated PG for brief rude humor.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: November 2, 2018

This week we have two releases to talk about.

Bohemian Rhapsody

It's a movie about Queen.  Freddie Mercury in particular.  I really don't know what else to say about it.  I'm not that big into Queen.  I can tell you that Bryan Singer (X-Men, X2: X-Men United, Superman Returns, Valkyrie, X-Men: Days of Future Past, X-Men: Apocalypse, The Usual Suspects, Apt Pupil, Public Access) started directing it.  He's a pretty big deal.  But he got fired for some reason, and Dexter Fletcher (Eddie The Eagle) finished it.  He's not as big a deal, but I think it would be great if he became a big deal.  I really liked Eddie The Eagle.

Also, Rami Malek plays Freddie Mercury, so that's cool.  I'd like to see Rami Malek get more success.

Bohemian Rhapsody is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, suggestive material, drug content and language.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

I don't get it.  I don't know anything about The Nutcracker except the famous music.  I hate the art style of this movie AND the live action Beauty and the Beast, AND Maleficent, AND the new live action Cinderella they released.  It's too indulgent.  Oh, and let's not forget the live action Alice in Wonderland that kicked off this whole mess.

It's like the cinematic equivalent of those fancy air-puffed white candies that are made out of nothing, weigh nothing, and don't even taste that good, they just look fancy.

I've seen all the trailers and I have no idea what it's about.  Some little girl gets a clue to some magical world or something from her godfather.  Her godfather is black, and that makes perfect sense for the, what - 18th century setting?  Yeah.  White girls had black godfathers all the time back then I'm pretty sure.

Anyway, she gets pulled into this magical world and has to defeat the scary bad guy and save Candyland or whatever.  No idea, but that's what it looks like.

The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is rated PG for some mild peril.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: October 26, 2018

There are two releases to talk about this week (one wide, one limited).  Last week there was only one wide release and it was rated R so I didn't do a post.

Johnny English Strikes Again (limited)

Rowan Atkinson returns as Johnny English, and this time his co-star is an actual former Bond girl!

The original Johnny English came out way back in 2003, and Johnny English Reborn in 2011, and while neither of them have been outstanding, they have marked themselves as the true king of super spy parodies.  And for parodies, there is quite a lot of pedigree here.  The car in Johnny English Reborn, for example, was literally one of a kind.  Rowan Atkinson wanted to stray away from Aston Martin and he settled on the Rolls-Royce Phantom Coupé, which normally comes with a V12 engine, but Rowan Atkinson was privy to the fact that Rolls had made a handful of 9.0 liter V16 engines for that very car.  He asked them to put one into the movie car, and they actually did it.

The pedigree doesn't stop there.  At this stage in his career, Rowan Atkinson's comedic abilities are as much a triumph of English culture as the character of James Bond himself.  And this time around he's got Olga Kurylenko (the Bond girl from Quantum of Solace) as his co-star, and he drives an Aston Martin once more (just a few generations behind the one Bond himself drove in The Living Daylights).

But on to the most important question for a comedy film: does it look funny?  Yes.  Yes, it really does.

Johnny English Strikes Again is rated PG for some action violence, rude humor, language and brief nudity.

Indivisible

I love that there's apparently a strong market for movies like this.

Indivisible is about an army chaplain who goes to war.  So what's the central conflict in the movie?  Hard to say.  It seems to be every hardship that can possibly stem from that situation.  The difficulty of being apart from his wife and kids, the difficulty of gaining the trust of those he serves, the difficulty of dealing with the realities of war, and so on.

Indivisible is rated PG-13 for some thematic material and war violence.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: October 12, 2018

First Man

"We choose to sit through another Ryan Gosling movie - not because it is easy, but because it is hard."

First man is about Neil Armstrong.  If you don't know who that is, stop reading this blog and find the nearest person to you.  They can tell you.

I've been wondering why nobody has done a movie about Neil Armstrong, but I don't know how I feel about Damien Chazelle being that person.  Don't expect singing and dancing OR drum sets.

First Man is rated PG-13 for some thematic content involving peril, and brief strong language.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween

Goosebumps came out in 2015, and it distinguished itself pretty quickly from all the poorly made family films.  It did well and people liked it.  So now they're doing a second one.  And Jack Black is still in it as R.L. Stine.

I never saw the first one so I have no idea what this is about.  I think the famous author's book monsters come to life and the main character kids have to deal with it.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween is rated PG for scary creature action and images, some thematic elements, rude humor and language.

Gosnell: The Trial of America's Biggest Serial Killer

Okay, so I was about to make a joke about this movie, but then I looked up who this guy was.  Wow.  This is not at all a joking matter.

Dr. Gosnell ran an abortion clinic in Philadelphia.  I say "abortion clinic" in the loosest sense I possibly can.  This was something more akin to a butcher shop.  This was a man who did very bad things.

Gosnell: The Trial of America's Biggest Serial Killer is rated PG-13 for mature thematic content including disturbing images and descriptions.

This gets a PG-13 rating for disturbing descriptions.  That should tell you something about the kind of clinic this guy was running.  Read the wikipedia article at your own peril.

Also, Dean Cain is in this movie.  Superman himself.  So that's fun.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: October 5, 2018

I got a new job and I was in training last week and it was kicking my behind.  I was tired and worn out.  Blog day will have to be Tuesday for the foreseeable future, because now I work all day Thursday.

We have three from last week and one this week.

Little Women

You might say the Little Women have come back to the future.

Lea Thompson is the only name actress here, and she stars in exactly zero movies you remember except three: the Back to the Future trilogy.  She's Marty's girlfriend in that and Marmy in this.

Personally, I'm a fan of the 1994 version, but this one looks very faithful to the book.  It's set in 2018, which is obviously a big departure.  But it looks to me like the spirit of the book is very intact.  I have no objection.  In fact, I have reason to support this new version.

Greta Gerwig is making her own version of Little Women, due out next year.  If you only see one version between these two - please, make it this one.  I don't know what horrors Ms. Gerwig has in store, but they can't be good.  She is also likely on the warpath, since her last movie had the distinction of being the best-reviewed movie ever on Rotten Tomatoes . . . until it lost that distinction when it got a single negative review counted and lost its candidacy.

There are many movies with 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, but her film, Lady Bird, became the film at 100% with the most reviews counted, beating out Toy Story 2, which held the honor for almost twenty years.  When Lady Bird fell off the list, Paddington 2 soared right to the top and is the current placeholder to this day.  It was odd for two movies only a few months apart to top such a long-held record back to back like that.

Anyway, Greta Gerwig is known for a genre known as mumblecore.  You read that right.  It's a "genre" distinguished by its use of non-professional actors and actresses (to get that "raw" performance), and usually including much improvisation, resulting from many long takes of freeform performance.  In other words, mumblecore is a genre of bad films.

Moving on.

I have been known to put on Little Women by myself.  So I have a genuine vested interest here.

Little Women is rated PG-13 for some thematic elements and teen drinking.

Night School

Could anyone have come up with a less inspired poster?

I'm just gonna be straight with you, it looks really lame.  There's not even anything else to say.  In three weeks nobody will remember this movie ever existed.

Night School is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language, some drug references and violence.

Smallfoot

LeBron James is in this movie.

Smallfoot is a funny concept.  All the bigfoot monsters don't believe humans exist.  Some of the conspiracy theory type bigfoot monsters do, but the rest believe it's a myth.

The movie actually looks pretty funny and pretty well-made.  If I had kids I might take them.

Smallfoot is rated PG for some action, rude humor, and thematic elements.

Venom

I just don't know.

Tom Hardy hardly ever has bad roles, but this just seems like a flawed idea.  I could be wrong.  I just don't know.

Venom is a super villain associated with Spider-Man.  Sony has toyed with the idea of a Venom movie since way back in 2013 at least.  But he's a super villain.  What do you do with just a villain?  I'm not sure.  And I don't know if I care enough to find out.

Venom is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and for language.

Some fanboys think a proper Venom movie should be rated R.  These would be the same people who complained that the first two Wolverine movies were PG-13.  As for me?  I'm not sure there is such a thing as a proper Venom movie.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: September 21, 2018

I like this whole omitting the R-rated films thing.  So much simpler.

There is only one non-R wide release this weekend.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls

When I first heard the title I totally thought it was another lame horror movie.

This actually looks pretty good.  Like, if I had kids and I could afford it I would take them to see it.  That's how good it looks.  Jack Black is as charismatic as ever, and who can argue with Cate Blanchett?

The House With A Clock In Its Walls is about a boy taken in by his uncle (Black (I mean, his uncle is played by Jack Black, not his uncle is black)), and it turns out his uncle is a warlock, and their neighbor (Blanchett) knows magic too.  The previous owner of the house put a clock in its walls, and nobody knows what it does, but the previous owner was notoriously evil.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls is rated PG for thematic elements including sorcery, some action, scary images, rude humor and language.

P.S. I just noted this was directed by Eli Roth.  He has more horror street cred than James Wan.  This guy is legit.  Him directing this is very reminiscent of when Martin Scorsece directed Hugo in 2011, which was another noted genre departure of a director to do a children's movie.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: September 14, 2018

I have considered essentially pushing my politics on my readers and just excluding R-rated movies, since I personally never watch them.  Let's just see how this goes.

There are four wide releases this weekend.  We're only gonna talk about one.

Unbroken: Path to Redemption

I'll give you one guess who DIDN'T direct this film.  That's right.  Angelina Jolie.

The Christian movies strike again.  What is this, the third weekend in a row?  Even if it isn't, it feels like it.  This is the first I've heard of the Christian genre co-opting an existing property.

2014's Unbroken (directed by Angelina Jolie and starring NOT the same guy as the main character) was not a Christian movie.  It was the true story of a guy who became a great runner, ran in the olympics, went off to war, and had a rough time in a Japanese prison camp in World War II.

Unbroken: Path to Redemption is about the same man after he gets home, and the wrestles he has with his faith in God and PTSD, among other things it seems.  I just confirmed this is also based on the true story of this guy's life.

Unbroken: Path to Redemption is rated PG-13 for thematic content and related disturbing images.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: September 7, 2018

There are three wide releases this weekend.

God Bless the Broken Road

Another Christian movie.  This time it's from the director of God's Not Dead and God's Not Dead 2.  So this is the top tier of Christian movies.

God Bless the Broken Road is about a woman whose husband dies while on a tour of duty.  She struggles to support her little family, she struggles a little later with the prospect of a new romance, and most centrally she struggles with her faith in God.  The acting looks bad, but besides that this looks like one of the best Christian movies we've seen yet.  It looks watchable, and that's high praise from me to a Christian movie.

God Bless the Broken Road is rated PG for thematic elements and some combat action.

The Nun

They've got the whole reversed "N" thing going on, but as far as I know there is no connection or affiliation with Nine Inch Nails.

Here we have another top contender in an overall low-quality genre.  The Nun lists James Wan as a producer, and that alone is enough to make it worth considering.  But really that means that it's probably not completely terrible.  That's the best I can say.

As they're so keen to let you know in the advertising, it is part of the Conjuring universe of films.

The Nun is rated R for terror, violence, and disturbing/bloody images.

The trailer had a jump scare that actually got me.  A horror trailer jump scare hasn't got me since the Deliver Us From Evil trailer more than four years ago.

Peppermint

Woman's husband and daughter are murdered.  Justice is hampered by corrupt cops and judges.  Woman disappears for five years.  Woman comes back as female version of The Punisher and kills the three gang members that killed her family (the trailer shows that she succeeds in this).  Then she seems to just keep on killing people that she thinks deserves it.

*shrug*

I don't doubt Jennifer Garner's performance, but I doubt pretty much everything else.

The She-Punisher, I mean Peppermint is rated R for strong violence and language throughout.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: August 31, 2018

There are two wide releases this weekend.

Operation Finale (Wednesday Release)

I love this new trend of movies about Jews getting stuff done.

Operation Finale is about a special team sent to Buenos Aires to track down and capture Ben Kingsley's character, a Nazi war criminal who was also the author of the holocaust.  It's based on a true story.  It's almost funny to hear of Israel tracking down Nazi war criminals to Buenos Aires, because now it's practically common knowledge that Buenos Aires became a haven for nazis in hiding.

One thing to watch out for is director Chris Weitz.  He has one drama (that I've heard of) to his name, and that's a shared credit with his brother, "About a Boy" back in 2002.  His prior directorial credit to that is the original American Pie, and I hate raunch comedies, so even though I like the idea of this film, I'm having trouble reconciling this information.

Operation Finale is rated PG-13 for disturbing thematic content and related violent images, and for some language.

Kin

And now for something completely different.

Kin looks to be a truly terrible mixture of domestic drama, alien invasion, and crime thriller.  It's worth mentioning that two of those genres have been mixed successfully many times in the past.

Okay I'm gonna try my best to break this down.  Kid finds an alien weapon.  Kid's older brother gets out of jail and has debts to repay to bad people.  Kid catches bad people beating up on older brother and threatens them with alien weapon.  Kid and brother escape.  Kid and brother are chased by bad people and by aliens who want their weapon back.  This is the part where Sean Moore says "and then it gets weird."

Confused?  So am I.  Here's the kicker: James Franco plays the leader of the bad people.  How did they get him on board for this?

Kin is rated PG-13 for gun violence and intense action, suggestive material, language, thematic elements and drinking.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: August 24, 2018

There are two wide releases this weekend.

A.X.L.

Last week we had the dark and gritty dog movie.  Here we have the robot action dog movie.

Random dirtbiker kid finds giant robot dog in a junk pile.  Giant robot dog is a secret government project designed to "pair" to someone and protect them.  It can run fast, it has guns, and it can fly.  Government developers come looking for it, but they don't respect it the way random dirtbiker kid does.  How dare they want their property back?

A.X.L. is rated PG for sci-fi action/peril, suggestive material, thematic elements and some language.

The Happytime Murders

"If you're feeling too optimistic about the world, then it's the film to see."  - Alissa Wilkinson, for Vox

Jim Henson would be ashamed.  His son, Brian Henson, directs this puppet-filled raunch comedy.  And Brian truly is devaluing The Jim Henson Company brand.  Even the critics hate it.  They basically all say the same thing.  It's horribly unfunny.  Alissa Wilkinson even goes so far as to say it's a real contender for worst film of the year.

The Happytime Murders is rated R for strong crude and sexual content and language throughout, and some drug material.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: August 17, 2018

There are three wide releases this weekend.  One of them could change things.

Crazy Rich Asians (Wednesday Release)

This is the one that could change things.

This romantic comedy is likely to become the movie to see for the next few weeks.  It's been picking up lots of hype and it has earned really good reviews.  If it does succeed, romantic comedies as well as ethnic representation in movies both stand to benefit greatly.  Even the film's director is Asian, John Chu.  You know him for directing Step Up 2 The Streets and G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

What most of you probably don't know is that I have written a screenplay, and it is a romantic comedy.  The genre is pretty dead right now, only receiving attention in independent films and in Netflix originals (I am not particularly interested in either of those avenues).  So in the event that my script actually gets sold or goes anywhere (the likelihood of that is . . . nevermind, I don't want to talk about it) this movie's success would translate directly into my success.  Because, in theory, romantic comedies would be more in demand.

I actually want to see this movie.  It's about an Asian woman in New York who is dating an Asian man.  Finally, her boyfriend suggests that she meet his family, so they fly out east so she can meet them.  She finds out that her boyfriend and his family are crazy rich Asians.  The main conflict seems to be between the would-be daughter-in-law and the boyfriend's mother, played by Michelle Yeoh.

Crazy Rich Asians is rated PG-13 for some suggestive content and language.  It will probably be the best romantic comedy since Hitch.  That's my honest opinion.

Alpha

You know how dog lover movies are almost their own genre now?  Well Alpha is to dog lover movies as The Dark Knight is to superhero movies.

Behold: the dark and gritty dog lover movie.

Alpha is about a boy who lives, according to the trailer, 20,000 years ago.  Naturally he speaks perfect english and so does the rest of his tribe.  They all like to put mud on their face and hunt buffalo and other things.  They're nomadic, and the boy's father is the chief.  He teaches the boy how to be a leader.  Good thing too, because one day when they're out hunting buffalo, the kid gets knocked off a huge cliff and the tribe thinks he dies, but it looks like he just gets knocked out and breaks his foot.  Anyway he ends up running in with some wolves and he becomes . . . say it with me now . . . the alpha.

So this movie sets out to tell the story of the original domesticated dog.

Alpha is rated PG-13 for some intense peril.

P.S. It looks like a live action Ice Age.

Mile 22

Mile 22 is just like every other action movie with a hard edge these days.  Mark Wahlberg is the government operative from the organization you've never heard of that is tasked to deal with problems that us regular citizenry aren't even aware of.  It's basically the IMF from the Mission: Impossible movies.

Mile 22 is rated R for strong violence and language throughout.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: August 10, 2018

There are four wide releases this weekend.

The Meg

Not much to tell here.  It's a really big shark, basically.  A megalodon (Meg) turns up alive and starts attacking people.  Megolodons were real creatures that lived millions of years ago.  Basically 60' sharks.  For comparison, great white sharks get to about 20'.  Oh, and Jason Statham is the hero.

The Meg is rated PG-13 for action/peril, bloody images and some language.

Dog Days (Wednesday release)

This is like every inspirational dog movie rolled into one.  I have no idea what it's about.  One dog gets lost and found, one dog brings a family together, one dog is rescued out of the trash, one character volunteers at a dog shelter and finds fulfillment, the dog shelter has to throw a fundraiser to stay open, one guy has to dogsit a dog that is challenging.  It is seriously all over the place.  It's just throwing inspirational dog-related nonsense at the audience to see what sticks.  Surely one or two of the 20,000 subplots will tug at your heartstrings, right??

Dog Days is rated PG for rude and suggestive content, and for language.

BlacKkKlansman

So this looks kinda funny.  It's a comedy (probably with some serious dramatic elements) about a black officer in the 70's who leads an undercover operation into the KKK.  Apparently it's based on a true story.

BlacKkKlansman is rated R for language throughout, including racial epithets, and for disturbing/violent material and some sexual references.

Slender Man

Just don't.  This is how out of gas the horror genre is.  Slender Man originated as an internet creation in a forum.  Basically a scary story that got shared around and became popular.  So this is literally fan fiction on the big screen, sorta like Fifty Shades.  But if I had to pick one to watch I'd pick Slender Man in a heartbeat, amazingly.

Slender Man is rated PG-13 for disturbing images, sequences of terror, thematic elements and language including some crude sexual references.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: August 3, 2018

There are four wide releases this weekend.

Disney's Christopher Robin

You know how the premise of Hook is that Peter Pan chose to grow up, and the movie takes place with a grown Peter?  It's like that, but with Christopher Robin.

I see no reason for this movie to be bad.  Who doesn't love Ewan McGregor, honestly?  And Marc Forster is a good director.

Just like Peter Pan in Hook, adult Christopher Robin has his priorities a little bit out of order.  He has been putting work above family.  Pooh discovers this, and invites his friends to go with him into the real world to help Christopher.

Disney's Christopher Robin is rated PG for some action.  It's probably good action too, Marc Forster once directed a James Bond film, don't you know.

The Darkest Minds

Leftovers from the YA adaptation genre.

I'm impressed.  I thought the third Maze Runner movie was the last of them, but one more seems to have come through.  You know the drill.  You're a youth, you're special, you're the only hope for the future, etc.

In this one all the kids in the world either died or got superpowers.  And the bad adults wrangled 'em all up and put them in internment camps, because they're big bad adults that you can't trust.  Look for this one to flop epically.  The good news is it supposedly only cost $34 million for Fox, and they pretty much didn't pay for any advertising, so it should make its money back.

The Darkest Minds is rated PG-13 for violence including disturbing images, and thematic elements.

Death of a Nation

I'm not crazy about Dinesh D'Souza.  I'm not sure any of Trump's base(d) supporters are.  He's more of a favorite among old school hardline republicans.

Dinesh D'Souza is the man behind "2016: Obama's America" and "Hillary's America".  His style is too dramatic to appeal to people like me.  We don't like narratives from the right or the left.  That's why we like Donald Trump.

The idea behind Death of a Nation is drawing comparisons between Donald Trump and Abraham Lincoln.  They both served during divisive times.  Again, this is a little too dramatic of an angle, even for a hardcore Trump supporter like myself.

Death of a Nation is rated PG-13 for strong thematic material including violence/disturbing images, some language and brief drug use.

The Spy Who Dumped Me

The Spy Who Dumped Me is about a girl who was recently in a relationship with a CIA agent, and this compromises her so that bad people are now after her and her friend.  As you may have guessed from the poster, it's an action comedy.

The Spy Who Dumped Me is rated R for violence, language throughout, some crude sexual material and graphic nudity.

You know, I am getting really sick of these hard R comedies.

      Big Shot Critic