In Theaters: March 29, 2019

Only one to talk about today.

Dumbo

I don't know very much about Dumbo, to tell you the truth.  I didn't watch the original movie very much at all when I was a kid.  I know he's a flying elephant in a circus.  Early reviews are not all that enthusiastic.

Personally, I won't be lining up to see this movie.  But I really respect Tim Burton, and a lot of the cast here.  It's not my thing, but if it appeals to you, I don't think it looks disappointing.

There's a reason I don't like Dumbo.  I have somewhat prominent ears.  They fit my head nicely now, but they've always been that size and my head has not.  I know pretty much every kid in the world gets teased by other kids, but for me personally, the word "Dumbo" does not have good memories attached to it.  Who knows, maybe seeing this movie and forming some positive memories around Dumbo would be cathartic for me or something.

Dumbo is rated PG for peril/action, some thematic elements, and brief mild language.

      Big Shot Critic

P.S. There's a GIANT post in the works on a different topic.  It's turning out to be really long.  So get ready for that.

In Theaters: March 15, 2019

Yesterday I took a mini road trip to a lake with a pretty girl instead of blogging.  But did I forget about you, my readers?  No, of course not.  This is your annual reminder that this blog is not monetized so it doesn't matter to me when I post and when I don't.  That's right, so as for today - you're welcome.  There are three releases to talk about today.

Wonder Park

Lowest common denominator children's cartoon movie.

Honestly, this is one of those movies where if someone says they like it, you gotta wonder if they're really your friend.

Wonder Park is an amalgamation of every brainless children's movie of the last ten years.  Some producer's somewhere got in a room and said they want a movie about:

 - a girl growing up

 - must feature many cute animals

 - an army of "chimpanzombies" would be hilarious (they will have tested this term with focus groups and approved of it)

 - imagination (the irony)

And then from there it was just a list of "wouldn't it be funny if..."

 - the bear was narcoleptic

 - a character was "allergic to volunteering"

 - a porcupine said he nailed it

Oh, this genre (of a sort) is getting to be worse than horror, and you all know how much I hate horror.

Anyway, from what I gather, Wonder Park is actually about a girl who dreams up a theme park as a kid, grows up, has the "I don't play with those toys anymore" phase, and then discovers that her park actually is a real place.  Aaaaand it needs saving.  Obviously.

Wonder Park is rated PG for some mild thematic elements and action.

Captive State

So, uh, alien overlords took over Planet Earth ten years ago, and now John Goodman and some black kid are gonna . . . kick 'em out?  Of Earth?  Kick the aliens out of Earth?  Yep.  I guess that's pretty much it.

The first trailer reeked heavily of trying to appeal directly to victims of Trump Derangement Syndrome.  You know ... #RESIST, and all that.  So beware of extremely heavy-handed social commentary here.

Captive State is rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief language and drug material.

Five Feet Apart

Would it even be a teen romance movie if one of them wasn't terminally ill?  Well how about BOTH of them!!

That's right.  Next level teen romance right here.

Again, the producers in the room:

"All of these successful teen romance movies have one thing in common: terminal illness.  One is ALWAYS terminally ill.  But - get ready - what if BOTH of them were terminally ill?"

"Oh my goodness, Cathy, you've outdone yourself this time!"

"I know!  Isn't it perfect?  And they love each other so they want to be close, right?  But they can't, right?  Because they're contagious or whatever.  So we call it Five Feet Apart."

You know that's how it went.  You just know.

Five Feet Apart is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, language and suggestive material.

By the way . . . I'm not saying I've sneezed before, and I'm definitely not saying that I've had sneezes and personally witnessed boogers flying further than five feet . . . I'm not saying that.  But I am saying that for contagious and dangerous diseases, five feet might be a little too close.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 8, 2019

There is only one.

Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel is a lot like Black Panther in one significant way: whether Marvel likes it or not, people are politicizing it.  Except this time it's representation of women instead of representation of black people.

Marvel, for their part, don't really care.  Just like they didn't really care with Black Panther.  They just want you to see it.

Just like Black Panther, the politicization is turning out to be unwarranted.  Reviews are in.  It's not a political movie.

Unlike Black Panther, reviews aren't great.  The general consensus seems to be that it's "pretty okay".  Something like The Incredible Hulk in 2008, or Thor: The Dark World in 2013.  I personally am expecting it to be about as good as Captain America: The First Avenger - that is to say, fun to watch, but with obvious issues.

People are saying Brie Larson, for all her talents, is not that good in this movie.  Hmm.  I thought the same thing about Edward Norton in The Incredible Hulk.

Anyway, I still want to see it.  I don't know that much about the character, and that's kinda rare for me, since I grew up on the Marvel cartoons and knew a little about the comics back then.

The choice is yours!  If you like popcorn movies, Marvel movies, superhero movies, or action movies in general, I suspect you'll get at least your money's worth out of this one.

Captain Marvel is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and brief suggestive language.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: March 1, 2019

How can you say no to Tyler Perry?

Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral

I've lost track of how many Madea movies there are, but Tyler Perry must be having the time of his life making these.

Here's the part where I would normally describe what the movie is about, but all the Madea movies are about one thing: Madea being Madea.  They're all comedies.  And I'm sure this one will be just as enjoyable as any other Madea film.

Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral is rated PG-13 for crude sexual content, language, and drug references throughout.

      Big Shot Critic