August Preview - 2015

August 7

Fantastic Four

It has been a generous eight years since the last Fantastic Four movie came to theaters.  Is that long enough?  Will audiences respond?  Early reviews are not good.  And while I like the trailers and ads there's something about them that feels like begging.  It's hard to pinpoint but sometimes you can tell that an ad campaign is actually begging you to see the movie.

The critics agree that the four leads are well-cast at least.  I still don't know why Johnny Storm is black and his sister Sue Storm is white, but since their father is black I'm gonna say she was adopted.  That's very politically correct and all, but I'm gonna come out and say that I have never in all my life heard of a white girl being adopted by a black family.

Miles Teller plays Mr. Fantastic, and he is an actor that I started out not liking but now I like him.  His work in the Divergent series is what won me over.

Proceed at your own risk to see this movie.  I can't even tell if I would like it or not.

The Gift

This is sort of a thriller movie.  Jason Bateman and Rebecca Hall's characters are married.  Joel Edgerton's character went to high school with Jason Bateman's character.  Joel Edgerton's character was weird then and is weird now.  Only difference is that now we know he's a psychopath out for some kind of revenge from high school.  Did you follow all that?

The one part about this that makes it more interesting than a typical late summer filler movie is that it's the directorial debut of Joel Edgerton.  By choosing to play the psychopath antagonist, Joel Edgerton has made one interesting directing choice already.  You see what I mean?

Ricki and the Flash

After all these years we are still subject to movies written by Diablo Cody.  Just because you win an oscar doesn't mean you're a consistently good writer.

I respect Meryl Streep as an actress.  She's really good.  But I'm not a fan.  And I really hate movies that try to glamorize dysfunctional families.  Normalizing dysfunctional families is one thing.  That would be a message I could get behind.  To say, "some of us are in messy situations that we can't control so just do your best" is one thing.  But to say, "your family is screwed up but that's awesome because you still love each other sometimes or whatever" can be unhealthy.  It's good for people to try to improve and expect more from each other in a healthy way.  Movies like Ricki and the Flash suggest to the mind that dysfunction in the family is acceptable or even something you should embrace.  It's not.  It's something you should work with and try to make better - loving your family as much as you can along the way.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Ricki and the Flash is about Meryl Streep, a divorced rocker/flower child who returns to her estranged family upon learning that her daughter was unceremoniously dumped after being engaged.  They reconnect and all that and it's sappy, you know.  While Ricki and her family side with the daughter in vilifying the would-be son-in-law, Ricki is forced to face how similar her actions were when she left her young family twenty or so years prior.  Therein is derived the drama - not bad really.  A little bit interesting even.

I will say that as movies about dysfunctional families go this one looks like one of the better ones.

Shaun the Sheep Movie

From the creators of Wallace and Grommit.  What more do you need to know?  It's probably going to be hilarious.

August 14

The Man From U.N.C.L.E.

Simply put, during the Cold War Soviet Russia and the United States team up their best operatives (the two on the poster) in order to stop a third party that is trying to start a nuclear war between the two nations.

Interesting notes: It's based on a TV series from the same vein as the classic Mission: Impossible TV series.  It's directed by the ever so stylish Guy Ritchie.  And the two leads were both contenders to play Superman in Man of Steel (obviously the one on the left won the role).  Expect this one to be great and stylish fun.  You can count on Guy Ritchie to make full use of the 1960's setting.

Straight Outta Compton

I don't know anything about N.W.A. but I know a lot of people do and a lot of people liked their music.  I know any rags to riches story inspires Americans.  And I know this will probably be a hard R rating.

Underdogs

This movie was made a while back but is only getting a wide US release this month.  I couldn't find a poster in English and the name likely doesn't translate directly to "Underdogs" but that is the US title I promise.

It doesn't look good.  Foosball players (like the actual wooden men on the sticks) come to life to help their player win a real life soccer game.  Not sure what else to say.  It looks pretty bad.

August 21

American Ultra

Let me just start by saying I have a really hard time with Jesse Eisenberg.  I think he is a contender for the most punchable face in the world.  Maybe even more punchable than that one guy.

that one guy

In American Ultra Jesse Eisenberg plays a CIA sleeper agent.  He doesn't know he's a highly trained killer.  He gets into a big mess with his super spy skills and with his girlfriend (Kristen Stewart - another actor I have a hard time with) he tries to make his way through it all without dying.  I don't know about this one.

Hitman: Agent 47

Lots of super spies in the movies these days.  The Hitman franchise started its life as a video game.  I know almost nothing about these games.  I do know there have been three movies now.

As I understand it these hitmen are genetically altered human beings that are stronger, faster, etc, than normal people.  And now the bad normal people want the altered agents to make more altered agents?  Maybe?  I don't know.  It's an in your face crazy action movie.

Sinister 2

Gosh, I hate horror movies.  They're so stupid.  And so not scary.  These days horror movies are all about supernatural stuff and they just make up their own rules about what the scary monster can and can't do.  If they need it to do something scary they just decide that it can do this scary thing.  And the rules are all made up and that makes them feel fake and that makes them completely not scary.  Give me horror movies with rules that apply to all characters and I will give you horror movies that work.

The only reason horror movies work these days is because they are so cheap to produce and thus it is easy to get a big return.

Do I even have to tell you what this one is about?  THEY'RE ALL THE SAME!  Some evil presence that terrorizes a family or some kids or a house.  What's the difference?  Does anybody actually care?  I can't stand today's horror movies.  So dumb.

August 28

No Escape (Wednesday Release - Aug 26)

Black Hawk Down meets The Impossible.  Owen Wilson and his family have relocated to an unnamed country in Southeast Asia.  They meet and become friends with Pierce Brosnan, another expat from England (or maybe they let him use his native Irish in this one, I don't know).  Civil war breaks out and Owen has to find a way to keep his family safe in the crossfire.  Expect very hard and gritty action with a hard R rating for violence.

Also expect lots of people hiding behind railings, and lots of back sweat (it is Southeast Asia).

hiding behind a railing

back sweat

railing

sweat

We Are Your Friends

Zac Efron and his friends are aspiring DJ's in Los Angeles itching to be discovered by some big time producer.  Zac Efron starts on the track to success faster than his friends.  Drama ensues.  This could be good.  Maybe.

   Big Shot Critic