In Theaters: December 22, 2017 (Christmas Catch Up)

There were TWO wide releases last weekend, TWO wide releases that came out on Wednesday, THREE wide releases that come out this weekend, plus TWO limited releases expanding to wide this weekend that are both worth mentioning at least a little.  It's time for a speed round.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (Dec 15 release)

With the narrative inspiration of a My Little Pony episode, and all the compelling characterization of a Target print ad, The Last Jedi falls very short of expectations.  Adam Driver turns out another INCREDIBLE performance as Kylo Ren that is unfortunately surrounded by directorial/scriptorial (Rian-Johnson-torial) incompetence everywhere else.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action and violence.

Ferdinand (Dec 15 release)

Ever heard of Ferdinand the Bull?  You remember, he wanted to smell the flowers instead of fight the matadors?  He's got a feature now!

Ferdinand is rated PG for rude humor, action and some thematic elements.

The Greatest Showman (Wednesday release)

Hugh Jackman stars as the inventor of show business.  He's down on his luck, loses his job, and decides to follow his dream as an entertainer, surrounding himself with talented acts to showcase for the world.

I think it looks kinda good!

The Greatest Showman is rated PG for thematic elements including a brawl.  Must be one of those *thematic* brawls...

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (Wednesday release)

I didn't believe in the idea, but the trailer was wonderful.  So the movie is anyone's guess.  I kinda want to see it.

Four kids get sucked into a video game version of Jumanji, playing as adult characters in the game (Hart, Johnson, Black, and Gillan), and must fight through the game and win in order to get out.

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is rated PG-13 for adventure action, suggestive content and some language.

Downsizing

A scientist has invented a technique to shrink people to just a few inches, making their lives much less expensive.  It's an ideal retirement strategy, being very cheap.  Damon's character and his wife decide to take the plunge, only his wife backs out, leaving him irreversibly small and alone.  So he sets out to make a new life for himself!  It looks interesting, and Damon is a good actor.

Downsizing is rated R for language including sexual references, some graphic nudity and drug use.

Father Figures

All I will say is this: no actor or actress pictured on the poster here is proud of this movie.  Not one of them.  They may say they are, but they're lying to you.  Just don't.  Just don't.

Father Figures is rated R for language and sexual references throughout.

Pitch Perfect 3

Because, hey, why not?

Pitch Perfect 3 is rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, language and some action.

The Shape of Water (expanding)

Cold War era janitor at a top-secret facility is mute.  She falls for sea monster man who is held captive there for cruel study.  They're both different so they fall in love and it's touching, I'm sure.  But of course bad administrator man doesn't like this and is the antagonist.

This is what fantasy oscar bait looks like.

To be fair, bad administrator man is played by Michael Shannon, who is always great.

The Shape of Water is rated R for sexual content, graphic nudity, violence and language.

Darkest Hour (expanding)

Critically-acclaimed movie about Churchill.  What more do you need to know to want to see it?  I know I want to see it!

Darkest Hour is rated PG-13 for some thematic material.

Phew!  Speed round over.

      Big Shot Critic