Additional Thoughts: Jumanji

In my video reviews, I want to stay within the scope of that individual film.  I don't want to stray and explore its impact, its influence, what it should or should not have been, or even too much about what influenced the creation of it.

Welcome to Additional Thoughts.

I wish kids' movies today were as good as this.  Today's movies for children are madhouse ADD fests that are obligated by contract to have at least one joke every ten seconds.  It's insane.  Watch Jumanji.  Note that there aren't very many bright colors.  Note that nobody is over acting.  Note that the camera angles are normal.  Note that the music is not in your face.  I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  The point is that compared to kids' movies today, Jumanji is stoic as all get out.  Listen to the dialog between action scenes.  It's just people reacting much as you imagine they would!  No wise cracks!  There is one scene that descends a little bit into Home Alone territory (Home Alone was a BIG deal at the time), but other than that, the movie is literally played straight by the actors.

Contrast that with 2017's Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.  This was a very funny movie, but when you hold it up to the original, it's so disposable.  Jumanji is a fine glass and Welcome to the Jungle is a red plastic cup.  The original is made to last, and the sequel (quite frankly) is not.

Welcome to the Jungle is full to the brim with throwaway jokes, one-liners, and gags.  Pretty much every single one of them was funny, but every time you give a character one of those kinds of lines, you could have given them a real character moment but you didn't.  And now your movie has less replay value.  It's VERY popular these days to sacrifice replay value for gags and laughs.

Remember: heroes get remembered, but legends never die.  Follow your heart, kid.

Speaking of legends, David Alan Grier is in Jumanji, and I think he has more funny scenes than Robin Williams.  He is so funny.  But like Williams, he is perfectly tuned to where the movie needs him.  It's something you see a lot of throughout the movie.  Compared to modern movies you almost want to use the word "muted" to describe the performances . . . but you really mean they serve the story instead of a random gag.

Serving the story has become so rare that when actors do it it now seems "muted".  That about sums up the difference between Jumanji and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle.  And it serves as an example of the difference between filmmaking in general then and now.  Sad.

Big Shot Critic

Additional Thoughts: Star Wars

The temptation is so strong to introduce a character as an archetype, and expand the character from there to OUTSIDE the archetype, for fear of cliché.

I would say within an individual movie, stick to the archetype.  Unless you are using the switch as a twist in your story, in which case be careful to avoid all the pitfalls that come with that, such as consistency issues.

Going from one movie to another, it is okay to demonstrate a character's growth by showing that he or she is now an entirely different kind of character.  However, don't do this just for its own sake.  It must serve the story, otherwise it's entirely meaningless.

This has been Additional Thoughts with Big Shot Critic

Midway (1976) Review

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"Henry V" Review

Henry V

Henry V is an adaptation of the original Shakespeare play of the same name, done by the infamous adaptor of all things Shakespeare, Kenneth Branagh.  After much research I have discovered his last name is pronounced "BRA-nah".

For those of you who don't know (I sure didn't), Henry V was the King of England from 1413-1422.  Smack in the middle of the Hundred Years' War, Henry led a now-legendary military campaign into France.  His most famous battle was at Agincourt.  He led his army into battle personally, and with fewer numbers than his French foes.  Some say the English were outnumbered as much as six to one.

I'm going to be honest with you.  I didn't understand anything anyone said in this movie.  It's over two hours long, and there was one line I was able to entirely decipher through words alone.  Just one.

"Bear them hence"

Every single other line of dialogue was entirely useless to me in communicating what was going on.  I had to rely on other means.

This is a good time to talk about Kenneth Branagh.  The man is a Shakespeare adaptation machine.  He hasn't stopped yet and this movie was released in 1989.  He's also an incredibly competent director.  Even though I had no idea what anybody ever said in this movie, I almost always knew what was going on.  One scene was entirely in French (without subtitles), but I understood what was happening in the scene, and what the scene was for.  I don't speak French.  That is maybe the best compliment I could give Mr. Branagh on his direction (he was nominated for Best Director for Henry V).  Through the performances, the inflections of the lines, the costumes and the settings, the body language, and also the music, I was able to not only understand the story, but also all the character and interpersonal dynamics.

The cast is loaded.  Headliners include Kenneth Branagh himself, Judi Dench, Emma Thompson, Robbie Coltrane, Derek Jacobi, Brian Blessed, Ian Holm, and an early role from Christian Bale.  And Brian Blessed was born to wear the armor he wears in this movie (Henry V won the Oscar for costume design).

The version of Henry V that Branagh portrays here is basically the English version of President Whitmore from Independence Day.  He's this über inspirational leader who inspires soldier and audience member alike.  Even though I had no idea what he was talking about, his speech to his soldiers before the battle was still awe-inspiring, and for me it rivaled President Whitmore's speech from Independence Day.  I'm not kidding.  That's a lot of praise for Branagh's performance right there (he was also nominated for Best Actor for Henry V).  I freaking love the speech from Independence Day, and this one might have been better.

Even though I had no idea what the heck anyone was talking about, I still recommend Henry V for your viewing pleasure.  I'm not some cretin, it's just that Shakespeare is Shakespeare.  I use context clues to understand it when I read it, and they proved enough for watching it too.

Henry V is rated PG-13 for a bloody battle.  They aren't wrong, it is bloody.

Now a small housekeeping item.  Some exciting times are coming soon for Big Shot Critic.  So stay tuned.

      Big Shot Critic

"Genius" Review

Genius

I've decided to write another review.  I guess I had fun with the last one.  I've been trying to write more and more.  I've been reviving old projects, dusting off this old blog, and journaling extensively.  I even wrote a letter to a friend recently.  I like writing.  And when I'm feeling especially responsible, I take the chances I have to do it.

And I've been going to the library roughly once a week.  Obviously I like movies, and this is a new exercise to enjoy new movies.  I started with "A" in the DVD section.  I picked a movie I hadn't seen before, and I watched it.  The next week I brought it back, and I repeat the process with "B", and so on.  The keen reader will note that my last review was of a movie that started with "F", and this one starts with "G".

So far in this exercise I've watched Aloha, Annapolis, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Chariots of Fire, The Cat and the Canary, Down with Love, The Eagle, From Up on Poppy Hill, and Genius.  Though they all looked interesting to me, they have varied from amazing (I wrote about that last week) to truly terrible (Aloha).  In summary, just because you directed Jerry Maguire doesn't mean you have anything good left, Justin Lin has grown as a director, ensemble elderly British casts are still inexplicably entertaining, Spock's dad runs fast, not all silent films are classics, Renée Zellweger does more than squint, Rudolph Valentino deserved the star power he had, read my previous review, and read this review.

There.  You're caught up.

Genius is the true story of Maxwell Perkins.  Truly an historical footnote of a man.  Did you know that Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Thomas Wolfe were all discovered, fostered, edited, and published by the same man?  And I can honestly say he lives up to his larger-than-life legacy as a slightly interesting bit of twentieth century trivia.

I tease, but it is genuinely interesting.  And the relationship the film focuses on - between him and Wolfe - is beefy enough to fill the movie, and to entertain.  I will say outright that the casting was huge in Genius, and certainly provided most of the draw for me.  Laura Linney and Nicole Kidman are obviously good in their roles, but I came for Jude Law and Colin Firth, as Thomas Wolfe and Maxwell Perkins, respectively.  You get bonus cameos too, from Guy Pearce and Dominic West.  And if you keep a sharp eye you'll even spot Vanessa Kirby.  She is everywhere and it's starting to scare me.

A lesser screenwriter would have given in to the temptation to make Jude Law's Thomas Wolfe a manic pixie dream girl to Firth's stoic Mr. Perkins.  But John Logan is John Logan.  He makes movies, not mistakes.  As a result, the two actors paint the two characters as interesting, funny, charming, likable, very unlikable at times, and very real.  I'm sure everyone's hope in making this movie was to construct a window into what it may have really been like.  I don't think there's anyone left to say if they got it right or not, but it sure feels like a window on a real part of history.  And that's good enough for me.

Thomas Wolfe was a writer.  And he wrote a lot.  It is inspiring to me to see a part of his story.  And the other stories of the other people around him who have a love for writing.  It had a direct influence on me deciding to write this review, and I think that would make Thomas Wolfe happy.  John Logan too, but he's not dead so who cares.

Genius is rated PG-13 for some thematic elements and suggestive content.  It was written by John Logan and directed by Chuck Norris.  I'm just kidding, it was directed by Michael Grandage.

      Big Shot Critic

"From Up on Poppy Hill" Review

From Up on Poppy Hill

Hold up.  Hold up.  Just a minute.  First I will say welcome back to the Big Shot Critic blog.  It has been a few months, and we're all a little overexcited to be back.  Give it a minute.  Deep breaths.  Take it in.

Okay.  Am I going to do reviews now?  I don't know.  Am I going to return to my weekly posts?  I don't know.  I just wanted to write a review for this film, and I have a blog for that, so here it is.  Let us begin.

Watching From Up on Poppy Hill for the first time was like watching Casablanca for the first time.  It takes you to a place and a time that you are not familiar with, and makes it matter to you.  It's a very specific place and time, and the story wouldn't work anywhere (or any when) else.  In Casablanca, it was northwestern Africa in the middle of World War II.  In From Up on Poppy Hill, it's Yokohama, Japan in 1963.  And now I want to move to Yokohama in the 60's because it looks like so much fun.

The movie focuses on Umi, a high school student.  She meets a classmate named Shun, and they have feelings for each other.  How they meet is a lot of fun, and in any throwaway story it would be a gimmick to show how cool and adventurous the love interest is, but here it comes naturally from not only the story, but the historical context as well.  It's brilliant.

As we all know, two people developing feelings for each other in a movie means there must be an obstacle between them.  From Up on Poppy Hill is no different, but it's an obstacle I've never seen in a romance story before.  I won't spoil it.  And again, had this been a lesser movie that would have to be the end of my review so as to avoid spoilers.  But where other filmmakers settle for dead space, Studio Ghibli injects OODLES of texture.  Yes, that's right, oodles.  And this is where this film really stands out.

Texture in film is a tricky thing.  To be honest, it's actually an abstract idea.  It is subjective, and it manifests from calculated effort.  Take Black Panther, for example.  The texture of that movie is found in the fact that your brain accepts that Wakanda is feasible.  All that costume work, all that architecture study, all that set dressing and makeup, it's all there just so you DON'T think: "Hang on, that doesn't look like something that would really exist."

Most use texture as a sort of shield, to defend against losing the audience.  Studio Ghibli uses it more like a weapon.  It's not designed to prevent you from disbelieving.  It's designed to ensure that you do believe.  To make belief inescapable.  This is what happens when you treat texture with the same respect you give to story and character.  It's like this movie was grown, not made.  That's how natural all the texture feels.

This movie was a joy from beginning to end.  I know critics say that all the time about movies they like, but this one really was, thanks to the outstanding soundtrack that kicks off right at the start.  If you are a human being who has experienced at least one emotion before, you will enjoy this movie.

From Up on Poppy Hill is rated PG for mild thematic elements and some incidental smoking images.  It was written by Hayao Miyazaki and directed by Goro Miyazaki.  This reviewer watched it in original Japanese with English subtitles from the original Japanese cast.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: June 14, 2019 (Major Life Event Catch-Up Edition!)

Dear readers . . . I got engaged!  I proposed to my girlfriend, and she said yes.  She is now my fiancée, which is very cool.  First I didn't blog because I was busy planning a proposal, and since then I haven't blogged because we've been in the early stages of planning a wedding!  But I have some time now so let's do this.

Men in Black International

The first new release in months that I actually want to see.

Men in Black International stars those two from Thor: Ragnarok.  So if you liked them in that, maybe you'll like them in this.  I can't think of a time in recent history when two co-stars were plucked from another movie so obviously as Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson have been here.  I know in the old days it happened a lot.

This movie is directed by F. Gary Gray, and that's no small thing.  He directed The Fate of the Furious, which, in my opinion, has not been bested by another movie since its release in April 2017.

I have no idea what the plot is, but it's Men in Black, so count on aliens.

Men in Black International is rated PG-13 for sci-fi action, some language and suggestive material.

Dark Phoenix (June 7th release)

I honestly believe this movie will go down in history as a case study of audience good will drying up SO quickly for a franchise.  And so thoroughly.  Interest in Days of Future Past (just two movies ago in the franchise) was huge from audiences.  Part of the blame must go to X-Men: Apocalypse, which was in fact terrible.  But Dark Phoenix is different . . . people cared about Episode III after Episode II was terrible.  People are excited about Episode IX after Episode VIII was terrible.  But Dark Phoenix?  No one cares.  No one.  I've never seen anything like it, and I've been paying attention to movies for almost twenty years.

But at least Jennifer Lawrence's star power takes another blow.  How's that for a silver lining.

No one cares what Dark Phoenix is rated.  No one cares that Dark Phoenix even exists.

The Secret Life of Pets 2 (June 7th release)

I'm skipping over this one.  It's safe to take your kids.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (May 31st release)

This is interesting.  I kinda want to see it.  I really really enjoyed the 2014 Godzilla.  Kong: Skull Island was lame, and I know they're headed for a fight.  But I liked Godzilla a lot.  Mostly because of Gareth Edwards, I think.

Anyway, there's more Godzilla and more monsters.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is rated PG-13 for sequences of monster action violence and destruction, and for some language.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 24, 2019

Can you believe it's already late May?  Just one to discuss today.

Aladdin

The latest Disney live-action remake.

Aladdin from the 90's is actually my personal favorite Disney cartoon.  But if this movie is anything like Guy Ritchie's last film nobody will have any clue what's going on at all ever during any point of the film.  I'm not crazy about Will Smith as the Genie.  The unknown they got to play Aladdin seems alright though.  This one is a real toss up.  I think it has potential, but I also think it could fall apart so easily.  You decide!

Aladdin is rated PG for some action/peril.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 17, 2019

Two releases this week.

A Dog's Journey

Remember A Dog's Purpose?

So I'm not sure if this is the same dog from that movie being reincarnated or whatever, but this is following along that line.  Dennis Quaid has a daughter who needs a dog in her life, so this same dog goes and takes care of her through different dog lifetimes.

There is now a dog franchise in this world.

A Dog's Journey is rated PG for thematic content, some peril and rude humor.

The Sun Is Also a Star

Bro, if it isn't from a YA drama/romance novel then did anyone even really fall in love?

So the main character is the chick and she doesn't believe in love.  Because who does in a novel like this, am I right?  Anyway she meets this guy in the poster, and he's all like, "I bet I could get you to fall in love with me, giiiirrrrrl."  And she's all like, "Yeah right."  And then I'm pretty sure they fall in love.  I'm sure something goes wrong, because you don't really have a story without conflict.  And this film isn't French.

The Sun Is Also a Star is rated PG-13 for some suggestive content and language.  As a side note, I really appreciate a young adult romance movie that doesn't have "sexual content" in the rating.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 10, 2019

There are four movies to talk about today.

Pokemon Detective Pikachu

If you haven't seen the trailers for this one then shame on you.

Detective Pikachu is a Pokemon movie.  Somehow they made it look really good.  I don't know how they did it.  So it's about a kid whose father is missing.  And it turns out he can understand Pikachu the Pokemon, which is rare.  Most people can't understand Pikachu.  He teams up with Detective Pikachu to find his missing dad.

Pokemon Detective Pikachu is rated PG for action/peril, some rude and suggestive humor, and thematic elements.

The Hustle

The Hollywood folks are wising up a bit when it comes to all-female reboots.  This is the all-female reboot of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.  Rebel Wilson (who is always hilarious) plays the young talent that is unrefined.  Anne Hathaway plays the more experienced one.  I don't know much about the original, so I can't tell you more.  They are con artists.

The Hustle is rated PG-13 on appeal for crude sexual content and language.  The "on appeal" means it was originally rated R, no changes were made, but an appeal was made to change it to PG-13, and the appeal succeeded.

Poms

This is another one of those old people movies.  Diane Keaton, who I always confuse with Diane Lane, stars as a retiree who moves to a retirement community.  She likes the people and decides to start a cheerleading group with the other older women.  One of them is played by Rhea Perlman of Cheers fame.

Poms is rated PG-13 for some language/sexual references.

Tolkien

Tolkien is about J.R.R. Tolkien, author of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings.  I don't know what else to say about that.  Good author!

Tolkien is rated PG-13 for some sequences of war violence.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: May 3, 2019

We are going to do some catching up this week.  My life has been busy, which is unusual.  I usually have at least a half hour on Thursdays for the blog.

This is just here so it will be the picture that shows up on the link

Going back to April 12th...

After

If your kid wants to go see this one, don't let them.  Seriously.  Holy crap.  I can't believe this is marketed toward teenagers.  Ground them if they sneak out and see it.

After is rated PG-13 for sexual content and some college partying.

Little

This is a gender-swapped, race-swapped, and premise-reversed version of the Tom Hanks movie "Big".  And it actually looks pretty funny.  Maybe give it a shot!

Little is rated PG-13 for some suggestive content.

Missing Link

He's the missing link.  Get it?  Okay.  NEXT!

Missing Link is rated PG for action/peril and some mild rude humor.

And now on to April 17th...

Breakthrough

This one looks pretty good.  It's the story of a miracle that happened to a kid who fell through the ice of a frozen lake and was under there for quite a while, but he survived.  It's a faith-based film, and it was directed by Roxann Dawson, which is awesome.

Roxann Dawson as B'elanna Torres on Star Trek: Voyager

Breakthrough is rated PG for thematic content including peril.

Penguins

DisneyNature's latest follows a single penguin they call Steve.  It's a documentary.

Penguins is rated G.

The Intruder

Dennis Quaid sells his nice house to a young black couple from the city, but he doesn't want to give up the house.  He sticks around and it gets weird and then he goes all maniac on them and it turns into a home invasion thing.  Dennis Quaid as a psycho villain might be interesting.

The Intruder is rated PG-13 for violence, terror, some sexuality, language and thematic elements.

Uglydolls

Uglydolls takes place in a world of dolls where the best ones are popular and the ugly ones get thrown out.  So it's like a misfit story where they go and discover their true beauty and what not.  I have to say it doesn't look as terrible as it sounds.  It looks like they actually do a reasonably good job of it.

Uglydolls is rated PG for thematic elements and brief action.

And now I'm caught up!  Phew.  Thank heaven.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: April 26, 2019

Okay so I've missed a few.  Two weeks ago was my birthday, you'll give me that.  I spent it on an awesome day trip with an awesome girl instead (which was totally sweet).  Last week . . . just lazy.  And today?  I'm ditching you again.  Avengers: Endgame comes out tomorrow and I still have movies to watch to be ready for this.  Is it maybe the biggest movie event of my lifetime?  Yes.  So I'll blog about it later if it is.  Get over it.  Man, life has been busy.  Honestly, I'm not even that excited about Endgame because I'm not thinking about it all that much.  Crazy, right?  I didn't used to be this busy.  But things happen, man!  Things happen.  I guess I am excited about it because I've been watching every single MCU movie to prepare.  I'm not normal.  Whatever.  I have two to go.  Thank you for reading.  I'll see you on the other side.

Avengers: Endgame is rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and some language.

      Big Shot Critic

In Theaters: April 5, 2019

There are two releases to talk about today.

Shazam!

The DCEU is pretty much a thing of the past now.  DC films will not be interconnected going forward.  At least that's what they're saying.  It kinda goes without saying that it wasn't working out the way they hoped.  They've been saying for years now that Ben Affleck is out as Batman, and now they're even saying that Henry Cavill might be out as Superman.  Except for Aquaman and Wonder Woman, it's been a big mess.

In any case, here we have Shazam!  It's meant to be much more comedic and light than the previous DC films, and it looks like it's gonna work really well.  I'm excited for this one.

Shazam! is about a kid who is chosen by an alien to receive special powers.  He's a good kid and that's why he's chosen.  He remains a normal kid until he says the word "Shazam!" and he becomes the man you see in the poster.  He has super strength and other things, I'm not super sure.

Shazam! is rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action, language, and suggestive material.

The Best of Enemies

I've always wondered why Taraji P. Henson goes by that name.  Is it so we don't confuse her with all those other Taraji Hensons?

Okay, so I've always struggled with Taraji P. Henson.  She is always cast as the black woman with a huge chip on her shoulder, and I have trouble with those sorts of characters.  Mostly because she always plays them with such anger.

Sam Rockwell, on the other hand, I do like.  Because he's a white man, obviously.  No, actually I like him because he's always fun to watch and his characters are less angry than Taraji's.

The Best of Enemies is based on a true story about a town somewhere in the U.S. where the black school was burned to the ground.  So in the meantime, while it was being rebuilt, the black kids needed a school to go to, but a lot of the white folks didn't want them going to the white school.  The town formed a council with these two main characters as co-chairs.  She was an activist, you might say (hard to use the word "activist" here.  She was just fighting for rights her kids already had), and he was the president of the local chapter of the KKK.  True story.  Both were selected because both represent each other's side very well and fairly aggressively.

The Best of Enemies is rated PG-13 for thematic material, racial epithets, some violence and a suggestive reference.

      Big Shot Critic

P.S. That post I talked about last week, the one that is forthcoming?  It's still forthcoming.  It's just forthcoming a little longer than I thought.

In Theaters: March 29, 2019

Only one to talk about today.

Dumbo

I don't know very much about Dumbo, to tell you the truth.  I didn't watch the original movie very much at all when I was a kid.  I know he's a flying elephant in a circus.  Early reviews are not all that enthusiastic.

Personally, I won't be lining up to see this movie.  But I really respect Tim Burton, and a lot of the cast here.  It's not my thing, but if it appeals to you, I don't think it looks disappointing.

There's a reason I don't like Dumbo.  I have somewhat prominent ears.  They fit my head nicely now, but they've always been that size and my head has not.  I know pretty much every kid in the world gets teased by other kids, but for me personally, the word "Dumbo" does not have good memories attached to it.  Who knows, maybe seeing this movie and forming some positive memories around Dumbo would be cathartic for me or something.

Dumbo is rated PG for peril/action, some thematic elements, and brief mild language.

      Big Shot Critic

P.S. There's a GIANT post in the works on a different topic.  It's turning out to be really long.  So get ready for that.

In Theaters: March 15, 2019

Yesterday I took a mini road trip to a lake with a pretty girl instead of blogging.  But did I forget about you, my readers?  No, of course not.  This is your annual reminder that this blog is not monetized so it doesn't matter to me when I post and when I don't.  That's right, so as for today - you're welcome.  There are three releases to talk about today.

Wonder Park

Lowest common denominator children's cartoon movie.

Honestly, this is one of those movies where if someone says they like it, you gotta wonder if they're really your friend.

Wonder Park is an amalgamation of every brainless children's movie of the last ten years.  Some producer's somewhere got in a room and said they want a movie about:

 - a girl growing up

 - must feature many cute animals

 - an army of "chimpanzombies" would be hilarious (they will have tested this term with focus groups and approved of it)

 - imagination (the irony)

And then from there it was just a list of "wouldn't it be funny if..."

 - the bear was narcoleptic

 - a character was "allergic to volunteering"

 - a porcupine said he nailed it

Oh, this genre (of a sort) is getting to be worse than horror, and you all know how much I hate horror.

Anyway, from what I gather, Wonder Park is actually about a girl who dreams up a theme park as a kid, grows up, has the "I don't play with those toys anymore" phase, and then discovers that her park actually is a real place.  Aaaaand it needs saving.  Obviously.

Wonder Park is rated PG for some mild thematic elements and action.

Captive State

So, uh, alien overlords took over Planet Earth ten years ago, and now John Goodman and some black kid are gonna . . . kick 'em out?  Of Earth?  Kick the aliens out of Earth?  Yep.  I guess that's pretty much it.

The first trailer reeked heavily of trying to appeal directly to victims of Trump Derangement Syndrome.  You know ... #RESIST, and all that.  So beware of extremely heavy-handed social commentary here.

Captive State is rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and action, some sexual content, brief language and drug material.

Five Feet Apart

Would it even be a teen romance movie if one of them wasn't terminally ill?  Well how about BOTH of them!!

That's right.  Next level teen romance right here.

Again, the producers in the room:

"All of these successful teen romance movies have one thing in common: terminal illness.  One is ALWAYS terminally ill.  But - get ready - what if BOTH of them were terminally ill?"

"Oh my goodness, Cathy, you've outdone yourself this time!"

"I know!  Isn't it perfect?  And they love each other so they want to be close, right?  But they can't, right?  Because they're contagious or whatever.  So we call it Five Feet Apart."

You know that's how it went.  You just know.

Five Feet Apart is rated PG-13 for thematic elements, language and suggestive material.

By the way . . . I'm not saying I've sneezed before, and I'm definitely not saying that I've had sneezes and personally witnessed boogers flying further than five feet . . . I'm not saying that.  But I am saying that for contagious and dangerous diseases, five feet might be a little too close.

      Big Shot Critic