Thursday, January 30, 2014

In Theaters: January 31st, 2014

Two wide releases this weekend.

Labor Day


This is my pick for a lovey-dovey movie this Valentine's Day.  This is from writer/director Jason Reitman who writes and directs respectable adult dramas.

The premise here is Kate Winslet's character and her son give Josh Brolin's character a ride on the highway or wherever, and by the time they find out he's a wanted man they are already attached to him.  So maybe it's not super lovey-dovey, but being around Valentine's Day, it's kinda being presented that way.  These are two fine actors though, so whatever it is it will probably be pretty subtle acting, and pretty good writing/directing.  What I mean by that is that this is for the patient movie-goer; the one who soaks a movie in instead of having it spoon fed to him (don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having a movie spoon fed to you).

That Awkward Moment


This one is about three roommates in New York as they go through the thick and thin of love.  But more than that it's about them acting like idiots in the process.  It's from writer/director Tom Gormican in his first effort writing or directing.  His only credit is as co-producer on last year's Movie 43, which precisely zero people actually enjoyed.

      The one.  The only.  Big Shot Critic

Sunday, January 19, 2014

In Theaters: January 24th, 2014

Once again we're back to just one wide release this weekend!

I, Frankenstein


Let me just set the tone for this one by telling you that the TV spot for it made me laugh and it wasn't supposed to make me laugh.  It is clearly geared at those who enjoyed the Underworld movies in years past, but the trailer comes off as more Van Helsing.

The way I understand the story, Frankenstein's monster is still around today and it (he?) takes part in some kind of battle or war that has been going on for a long time.  You know, one of those secret type wars that is fought between mythical creatures while nobody is watching.

Stuart Beattie has directed one other movie that nobody (not even me) has ever heard of, but he has written lots of movies - good ones even!  However, being a good writer does not make you a good director.

This movie has unintentional comedy written all over it.

      The one.  The only.  Big Shot Critic

Friday, January 17, 2014

In Theaters: January 17th, 2014

This week there are four wide releases with two punny titles!.  And I'm late posting this.

Devil's Due


It's no secret I don't like most horror movies.  This one is not likely to be an exception.

The premise is simple, some lady gets pregnant and it turns out she's pregnant with the/an anti-Christ.  And it's presented in the massively over-used found footage format.  Because, as you know, when your wife is pregnant with Satan your first instinct is to get the camera.

Get it though?  Devil's Due?  Get it?  Punny!

Devil's Dues is directed by two people who have directed one other film together, 2012's V/H/S.  Are you ready for this?  V/H/S is a found footage horror movie about found footage horror.  How original, right?  Wow.

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit


I'm biased the other way with this one.  I really like the older Jack Ryan movies, so I hope this one is good.  And early reviews are positive.

Kenneth Branagh directed it, Chris Pine, Kevin Costner, Keira Knightley, and Kenneth Branagh star, and David Koepp was involved with writing it.  You may not know this but that is a recipe for success.

This is the first Jack Ryan movie that is not based on a book, it's just based on the characters created by Tom Clancy, but, again, David Koepp was involved so the story shouldn't be lacking.  I actually don't know the premise, but I do know it's some kind of origin story, and for Jack Ryan that means going from CIA pencil pusher to CIA operative.  Probably.  General Espionage action stuff.  Should be good.

The Nut Job


This one has a great premise, for whatever that's worth.  A squirrel manages to lose all the nuts that he and his family/friends have collected and therefore must steal some other nuts.

Get it?  Nut Job?  The Nut Job?

The voice talent is undeniable.  Will Arnett, Brendan Fraser, Liam Neeson, Katherine Heigl, and others.  It's a first time director though, and early reviews are not great.  To attract Liam Neeson to your movie used to be a feat in and of itself, but then Taken happened and he decided he wanted paychecks more often.

Ride Along


I don't even know what to say about this movie.  I didn't think anything of it until I just watched the trailer and I will not deny it made me laugh.  There are a lot of Kevin Hart fans out there and I'm sure every one of them will enjoy this thoroughly.  And Ice Cube is Ice Cube.

Director Tim Story is known for several forgettable movies.

      The one.  The only.  Big Shot Critic

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

In Theaters: January 10th, 2014

Once again there is only one wide release this week.

The Legend of Hercules


In 2012 it was Snow White.  Last year it was The White House under attack.  This year it's Hercules.

That's right, this is the first of two major Hercules movies this year.  Hollywood has a really bad habit of making two similar movies at the same time, and usually it hurts both and one (or both) ends up being forgotten.  It's very simple how this happens.  Both movies go into development and a few months in they find each other out, and instead of one of them backing down they both just say, "We can take 'em," and carry on.  Extra credit if you can name the "other" movie about toys that came out around the same time as Toy Story 2, the "other" movie about 19th century magicians that came out around the same time as The Prestige, and the "other" movie about the whole world watching the life of one man that came out around the same time as The Truman Show - do your best in the comments!

I'll start by giving you a hint.  This is the one that will be forgotten.  It's directed by a guy named Renny Harlin.  He's been in the action movie business for a long time now, and has some tricks up his sleeve.  He's known for generating very inventive action sequences, so the action scenes in this one are sure to keep you awake.  That said, this movie kind of looks like it wishes it had a bigger budget.  Every movie does, but this one shows it - even in the trailer.  The special effects look a little cheesy.  And there is no star power here.  Likely the only one you've seen is Hercules himself, portrayed by Kellan Lutz.  You know him as the buff vampire from the Twilight movies.

The real bad news for this movie is that the other Hercules movie likely got the budget it wanted, Brett Ratner is directing it, and none other than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson will be playing Hercules.  Brett Ratner is a much more high profile director.  We don't love him so much because of what he did to our precious X-Men movies back in 2006, but he's okay.  He did, after all, direct Rush Hour!  This other Hercules movie comes in the mid-summer.

I would see this movie if someone paid for me, for whatever that's worth.  A good excuse to eat popcorn for two hours.

      The one.  The only.  Big Shot Critic

Thursday, January 2, 2014

In Theaters: January 3rd, 2014

Only one wide release this week!

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones



Oh, Paranormal Activity.  Where to begin?

About fifteen years ago some small time moviemakers had a revolutionary idea and they made it into The Blair Witch Project.  It was the world's first found footage horror movie, and it made quite a splash.  There is one reason in particular the format was so attractive to producers - they are incredibly cheap to make.  It took almost ten years, but somebody finally came up with the perfect (re-usable!) recipe for found footage horror, and Paranormal Activity was born.  The first one cost $15,000 to produce and went on to gross almost $200,000,000 at the box office!  That is unreal!

Anyway that's why they keep making these movies (it's also why they are able to turn one out every year).  Don't expect them to stop anytime soon.

I've never seen a single one, because I think they are silly.  I think this one looks equally silly.  So, as a spin-off, I get the same vibe from this as I do the others.  It will be no more, or less silly.  If you like the other ones you'll probably like this one.

      The One.  The Only.  Big Shot Critic

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

2014: A Preview

For this post I went over every single wide release currently scheduled for 2014.  I broke them down by quarter and then by genre.  I selected my pick for each genre in each quarter - plus an overall favorite for best movie in that quarter.  And then I selected my favorites from the quarterly winners for an annual selection - also broken down by genre.

Each movie was carefully selected based on "recommendability."  I looked at trailers (where available), who was involved, and what they had done in the past.

I imagine people reading this post for three reasons.  The first reason is some poor soul might actually enjoy my writing.  The second reason is that a similarly poor soul might read this post to understand the mind of David a little better.  And the third reason is to use this post as a resource throughout the year.  Maybe it's September and you want to know what romance movies are playing.  Maybe you only see one movie a year and you want an opinion on which it should be.  Whatever the case may be I hope you find this list helpful.

Bottoms up!



Best of First Quarter 2014

Horror: I, Frankenstein

Why: I usually don't like horror movies, and this one doesn't interest me.  It looks like more action than horror though, and it looks like the least likely to be rated R.

Action: Robocop

Why: The only real competition here was Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, and of course that still might be better, but Robocop is a wildcard.  It's a veteran director - from Brazil.  So he hasn't done anything that has been released up here.  Ultimately the trailer won me over.  Especially Michael Keaton's character in the trailer.  Something about this movie looks solid.

Comedy: The Lego Movie

Why: This was a tough call between The Lego Movie and Muppets Most Wanted.  Sequels today are so hit-and-miss.  I believe this Muppets sequel will be good, but starting fresh is always easier, and the creative team here put their heart and soul into this movie.

Drama: Noah

Why: Not a lot of tough competition here in the drama department.  Oh, and Darren Aronofsky.

Family: Muppets Most Wanted

Why: The Lego Movie falls in this category as well, but I didn't have the heart to not give the Muppets something.  Also, I believe kids will enjoy this one as much as The Lego Movie, if not more.  The Muppets will be more silly, where I think The Lego Movie will draw more on pop culture.

Sequel/Prequel: Muppets Most Wanted

Why: The only competition was Jack Ryan, and reboots are, technically, not sequels

Romance: Divergent

Why: Another case of simply rising above the competition.  In this category all we have are two romantic comedies (they look really dumb), one hardcore drama/romance (that will likely be dumb), and one that suffers from "Cloud Atlas Syndrome", that is to say, it's based on a book that is too non-linear to make good sense on screen.  Also, Shailene Woodley is starring here, and she is a fine young actress.  I have no doubt we will be seeing more of her in the coming years.

Animated: The Lego Movie

Why: Just trust me on this one.  Animated movies are a dime a dozen, making it very easy to pick out the ones that will be any good.

Superhero/Comic Book: 300: Rise of An Empire

Why: I think this movie will be dumb, but there are literally no other movies this quarter that fall in this category.

Science Fiction/Fantasy: Robocop

Why: I rated this genre by how much sci-fi/fantasy you would be getting in the movie in addition to how good I thought the movie would be.  Winter's Tale stands a chance in this category, but with only very light fantasy elements.

Adventure: The Lego Movie

Why: This was obvious in my opinion.  An adventure movie must include an adventure!  And none looked as grand as in The Lego Movie.

Overall First Quarter Pick: The Lego Movie

Why: Because if I could only see one this would be the one.



Best of Second Quarter 2014

Horror: The Purge 2

Why: Again, I don't care for horror movies, but the other ones look truly awful while this one only looks lame.

Action: Edge of Tomorrow

Why: Because Doug Liman is directing it and that's enough.  I anticipate the Captain America sequel to be very good too, but Doug Liman isn't directing that one.  The X-Men movie will also be excellent I think, but the action scenes in this one will still likely be better.

Comedy: A Million Ways to Die in the West

Why: This will likely be rated R and if it is I don't recommend seeing it, but in terms of moviemaking skill this will outshine all the others.

Drama: Transcendence

Why: Again, very weak competition in the drama category.  Also, this first-time director has a PhD from the Christopher Nolan School of Drama - as it were.

Family: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Why: Because Rio 2 won't be as good and Maleficent looks weird.  And your kids will love it.

Sequel/Prequel: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Why: In a quarter with many sequels/prequels this one will likely have the best and most natural character progression and connectivity to its prior installment(s).

Romance: The Fault in Our Stars

Why: Blended will likely be funnier, but if you're a romance purist looking for the real sappy stuff then this is the one for you.

Animated: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Why: Rio 2?  Who cares?

Superhero/Comic Book: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Why: With Spider-Man and Captain America sequels in the same quarter, this was a tight race.  Ultimately, however, Bryan Singer is not directing the other two, and Bryan Singer is a gifted director.  Also, in terms of sheer epic-ness, this one has no competition throughout the whole year.

Science Fiction/Fantasy: Edge of Tomorrow

Why: In terms of sci-fi-ness this one will have more than the others.  And I think it's gonna rock.

Adventure: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Why: Hiccup and friends had a grand and fun adventure last time and I have no reason to think that will change this time.

Overall Second Quarter Pick: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Why: I'm a little biased here, but I think this one will have it all.  Mostly I mean an engrossing story and fantastic action.  This will be great.



Best of Third Quarter 2014

Horror: Deliver Us From Evil

Why: The competition is pathetic.  And Eric Bana will be in this one.

Action: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Why: This is another wildcard.  I picked this one mostly because all the producers are returning from the first one which was amazing.

Comedy: This is Where I Leave You

Why: I chose this one literally because it stands the least chance of being awful.  It might actually be funny.

Drama: Get On Up

Why: It sounds like a gay dance movie but it's actually a biopic of James Brown.  And the dude from 42 is playing James Brown.

Family: The Boxtrolls

Why: Because the other two family movies (Planes: Fire and Rescue, Dolphin Tale 2) are blatant money grabs.

Sequel/Prequel: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Why: Hardly any competition. And this one, I think, will blend well with its predecessor.

Romance: Step Up: All In

Why: One word: MOOSE!  And this is the only movie that qualifies.

Animated: The Boxtrolls

Why: It was this or Planes: Fire and Rescue.  And this one is a genuine attempt at a movie.  The other is a genuine attempt at your wallet.

Superhero/Comic Book: Guardians of the Galaxy

Why: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could be better, but I think we can all agree that Marvel is on a roll, so this is my bet.

Science Fiction/Fantasy: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Why: Because sci-fi/fantasy should fill you with wonder and this one fills me with wonder better than the others.  I would give Jupiter Ascending more credit, but, the Wachowskis are involved and their record is spotty.

Adventure: Guardians of the Galaxy

Why: Hercules could be more adventurous or have more adventure elements, but I don't like talking about Brett Ratner and Marvel at the same time.

Overall Third Quarter Pick: Guardians of the Galaxy

Why: Marvel's in house movies tend to adhere to a certain standard.  And that standard is good, making this a safe bet.



Best of Fourth Quarter 2014

Horror: Paranormal Activity 5

Why: Only choice

Action: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: Peter Jackson has a way with action.  Action in his movies tends to be superior to other movies.

Comedy: Business Trip

Why: Dumb and Dumber To could be really good or really bad.  Business Trip was written by a good writer and I think it has a better chance.

Drama: Interstellar

Why: It's about space and stuff, but, come on, it's Christopher Nolan.

Family: Paddington

Why: Kids will love this one and the people behind it are solid.  Also it will likely be the most family friendly family film.

Sequel/Prequel: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: You can't beat the Peter Jackson approach to making trilogies.

Romance: The Best of Me

Why: While the other two that fall in this category also fall into other categories, this one is exclusively romance.  Oh, and it's the same guy that directed One Fine Day.  You know, that picture perfect romance movie from the 90s?

Animated: Big Hero 6

Why: Marvel Studios is kind of a trump card at this point.  The other one in this category (Book of Life) may be better, but with the producers from Marvel Studios backing Big Hero 6, I have to get in line with them.

Superhero/Comic Book: Big Hero 6

Why: Only choice

Science Fiction/Fantasy: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: It will be a great film and it's spilling over with fantasy elements.  As a side note, however, keep your eyes open for Dracula Untold.  My instincts tell me that might be one to watch.  And as a side note to that side note, yes, Luke Evans will star in both movies mentioned.

Adventure: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: Because the whole trilogy is just one big adventure and this is the last one!

Overall Fourth Quarter Pick: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: Because while Interstellar will be a fantastic film (no doubt), The Hobbit will leave you feeling happier - you can take that to the bank.  Nolan movies make you think.  The Hobbit will make you thrilled to be alive.



Best of 2014

Horror: Deliver Us From Evil

Why: This is the only horror movie I might actually want to see in 2014.

Action: Edge of Tomorrow

Why: Two words - Doug Liman.

Comedy: The Lego Movie

Why: While not just a comedy, I believe it will be funnier than any straight-up comedies.  What's more, it will be fun for the whole family, not just that weird uncle that likes to tell your kids dirty jokes.

Drama: Interstellar

Why: Because Christopher Nolan movies are so dramatic and so beautiful!  Seriously though, they are.

Family: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Why: This is going to be a home run for anyone and everyone under twelve.

Sequel/Prequel: The Hobbit: There and Back Again

Why: Because nobody does trilogies like Peter Jackson

Romance: The Best of Me

Why: In reality I think this will be the best romance in years, not just the best of 2014.  I would go see this with a dude if I couldn't otherwise.

Animated: The Lego Movie

Why: Even though How to Train Your Dragon 2 will undoubtedly make more money, there's something about starting fresh that I think puts this one over the top.

Superhero/Comic Book: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Why: How could I not?  (more on this later)

Adventure: The Lego Movie

Why: Because sequels are rarely as adventurous as the first.

And finally . . . 

Top Pick of 2014: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Why: Because of the absolute brilliance of deciding to do a Days of Future Past movie in the wake of an old and a young X-Men cast (I'm not kidding here, this was the best idea in movies in a really long time).  Because Bryan Singer decided to direct.  Because the majority of both casts are returning.  But most importantly because all these things will come together to make a movie that you will be sucked into with characters that you will care about and action that will leave you in awe.

* * *

But these are just my guesses.  My picks.  I've been paying very close attention to movies for a very long time now, so they are very educated guesses, but they are just guesses.

And, of course, this applies mostly to my taste in movies, but I hope that by reading this list you can make better decisions on what to see every time you decide to go to the movies in 2014.

Happy New Year!

      The one.  The only.  Big Shot Critic