In Theaters: May 19, 2017

There are THREE wide releases this weekend.

Alien: Covenant

Run.

Alien: Covenant is the first Alien film since 1997.  Unless you count 2004's Alien vs Predator, 2007's Aliens vs Predator: Requiem, or 2012's Prometheus - which, some people don't.  And it's Ridley Scott's first Alien film since the original WAY back in 1979 (again - unless you count Prometheus)!  Did you get all that?  Doesn't matter.

The main take away here is that the Alien franchise is a mess.  A mess that, for some fans, is even scarier than the titular xenomorph.  Pretty much everyone agrees that the first two (1979's Alien and 1986's Aliens) were good.  The third one (1991's Alien³) is more divisive than last year's U.S. presidential election.  And the fourth one (1997's Alien: Resurrection) is UNIVERSALLY hated - even by non-fans.  And then there's the two AvP films mentioned above.  The first one is largely ignored and the second . . . well . . . everybody wishes it didn't happen.  Also, neither AvP film is considered canon.  And then in 2012, Ridley Scott - the man who started this whole mess (and launched his own career) by directing the original - came back and said, "You know what?  My next film ISN'T an Alien movie!"  And then he winked at and nudged everyone who would pay attention until SURPRISE!  Prometheus IS an Alien movie . . . sort of.  There aren't really any xenomorphs until the very very end, and when it does show up it doesn't do anything at all, but it's a PREQUEL!  And that is supposed to have you excited.

In summary, Alien: Covenant takes place before the ones everyone loves, after the one that didn't surprise anyone, and WAY after the ones that didn't really happen.  I don't think I can make myself any clearer.

Alien: Covenant is rated R for sci-fi violence, bloody images, language and some sexuality/nudity.

Quick note: expect LOTS of blood in this movie.  Producer Mark Huffman said in an interview: "Our blood comes in 40-gallon drums, rather than 5-gallon containers."

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

I don't get it.  Really, I watched the trailer and I don't know what this movie is trying to do, or trying to say, or who they are trying to get into the theater.  I don't even know what it's about!

It's people on a road trip.  I got that much.  I'm not even sure if it's a family, but it looks like it might be.

Just skip this one to be safe.  Mmhmm.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul is rated PG for some rude humor.

Everything, Everything

I'm really pretty sick of this type of movie so I'm just gonna break it down for you really quick.

Young adult romance novel adaptation.  Girl is allergic to everything and she can't go outside.  Neighbor boy wonders what the heck is up.  They meet and fall in love.

Everything, Everything is rated PG-13 for thematic elements and brief sensuality.

Honestly, just go see Fate of the Furious again.

      Big Shot Critic